[1] Which of these is a real bird ? If any . [a] The Huffin [b] The Tuffin [c] The Muffin [2] Which of these birds has the scientific name Puffinus puffinus ? If any. [a] The Manx Shearwater [b] The Tuffin [c] The Puffin [3] Which of these birds has the silliest name ? If it's possible to judge. [a] Rifleman [b] McGregor's Gardenerbird [c] Upcher's Warbler [4] Which of these is a bird ? If any. [a] Sagittarius serpentarius [b] Platyarthrus hoffmannseggii [c] Ips typographus [5] Which of these birds does what its name says it does... if any ? [a] Secretary bird [b] Harpy Eagle [c] Shag [d] Wren [6] Which tree must all birders climb when they get a tick ? If any. [a] The Gum tree. [b] The Jum Jum tree [c] The Tom Thumb's Bum tree. [7] All these birds are fictional... but what do they have in common ? If anything. Cliff-lift Swift Tufty Tit Silly Stilt Which-is-it Kiwi Crusty Gull Scary Finch Well, that lot should keep you thinking ..... and today's music spot, voted #7634th best music selection outside Dorset, up 6 places by the way, is the highly relevant ½ Man ½ Biscuit song, "Knobheads on Quiz Shows" .... what a lovely, silly song ! What possessed you to apply? Did your friends with good advice implode? We should hang you up in chains Let you rot beside the ill-paved road Born too late for the First World War Siege of Troy was long before my time Naseby, Jutland, Agincourt Characters perhaps from pantomime Authors, sport, landlocked states Capitals of Europe and their size Breeds of dog, famous dates Kind of hoping these things don’t arise I don’t watch films in black and white The trees and flowers and birds have passed me by I’ll just guess and hope I’m right The first man into space was Captain Bligh Good luck back in work They’ll’ve heard you were on Have you got the file for Mr Out In Round One? Harken, a cuckoo! Or is it a wren? Don’t ever darken our doorstep again Truth is beauty, beauty truth All you know on earth, all you need to know Superb, succinct Pity then for you it’s not quite so Hickstead, Hickstead, Hickstead, Hickstead Duck Soup, 1933 Words beginning with K-N-O Words that end in B-H-E-A-D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I suppose you want some answers .... [1] a and b [2] a [3] They're all stupid names. And they're all real as well. [4] a. b is a woodlouse, c is a bark beetle. Lucky them I say. I've ticked them both. [5] c .... obviously, or there would be none of them left. [6] b ... if you didn't know that, you've not read the previous post. [7] They are all made of letters you can't colour in .... there's no o's or a's or b's etc .... Wren is no good, because you can colour in the "e".... and hey, I made them all up. Me. There's lots more of them as well. A universe of nonsense. In odd moments I wonder which bird you can colour in the most.
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Exactly 32 years ago today I "got" my first Golden Oriole. Ever since seeing the picture of one in The Observers Book of Birds at the age of 10 or so I had wanted to see one... and on 23/7/'86 I got one. When we went to Norfolk previously I didn't have a car .... but that year I did. Unfortunately I also had twins. Believe it or not, twins are a bit unhelpful when there's birds to watch. In fact, they're an absolute disaster. I might have mentioned this on here before. So ... every morning I would get up at about 3 am and whoosh off somewhere along the twisty Norfolk roads to spot birds before the family awoke and things went arse up. It was about 60 miles or so to the semi-secret Golden Oriole Spotting Spot. I got there. I walked the long track to the top G.O. Spotting Spot. No Orioles. I waited. I strolled around. I increased my radius ( ouch). I even increased my diameter as well. I'm mad me. I waited some more.I patrolled the circumference for a change. But ... the TTGH approached ( Time To Go Home.) With weary tread and shoes of lead I wandered back in deep despair To myself " I'm crap" I said Until a note came 'pon the air T'was t'Oriole, atop the tree And soon I saw the bird in't bins Resplendent in its livery Redolent of those harlequins That prance around on't village green It was the best I've ever seen. I skipped and pranced back to the mini .... performed the special ceremony .... which we must do for every tick .... I must have looked a total dick. But back again wi't'family and having ticked it jammily I climbed a handy Jum-Jum tree that grows in't local cemetery. A Jum-Jum always must be scaled when out of dipping I've been bailed. I hope you enjoyed this little verse and realise it could have been much worse. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Crumbs .... I do enjoy writing crap verse like that though.... But what music could possibly go with that ? That's an interesting question ! Very suitable for the 150th thing. Let's see shall we ... [1] We have lots of beliefs and rituals. Oh yes we do. Think about it. [2] There are lots of different, often antagonistic, "sects." Oh yes there are. You know what I mean. [3] There are "sacred" texts. Each country has its own. You've got some on your shelves I'm sure. Suitably battered and scribbled in I hope. You'll have a few in the car as well I expect. [4] There are "leaders" ... sometimes controversial, sometimes a bit anarchic. Sometimes rather oddly dressed. But all "focussed" on the "sacred one" Sometimes there's more than one. Often there's fewer than one. [5] Many adherents go on organised or informal "pilgrimages" Sometimes they get crushed in huge stampedes to reach the sacred site. Sometimes they leave, downhearted and disappointed. But they will return. [6] Some turn their "religion" into a business. That STQC I wrote about a bit ago .... that's one. There's the more formal and serious CUP of course. [7] Special buildings are erected for followers to gather together. Sometimes the "pews" are uncomfortable. That's to keep them awake and alert. Unlike "normal" churches, music is discouraged. Pie-eating, however, is almost de rigeur. Children, unfortunately, are allowed. [8] There are sacred songs too. The Reverend Oddie has put some in his books. And there's plenty of others. I'm sure you can come up with a suitable selection. "It's not happening" by the Be Good Tanyas is frequently sung. Quietly. Glumly. [9] Prayers are often whispered when approaching the sacred sites. I'm sure you know what I mean. "I hope to god the bastard is still there" is frequently uttered. [10] There are various bits of paraphernalia that adherents will carry with them. Depending on their age and condition. Often these are very valuable and highly coveted by other, poorer adherents There can be a degree of one-upness about this. I think I have adequately demonstrated that birding IS a religion. Sorted. You can pick your own God As you all know, metal detectorists have now got their very own song .... now that's definitely a religion ! A few years ago there was a long correspondence in the back pages of the New Scientist about the invisibility of objects in flight. It all stemmed from a question sent in by a reader .... it went something like " How fast would a plane have to go to become invisible?" The debate went on for a long time ...and I'm not sure if any conclusion was reached. Bullets are "invisible" when fired ..... and presumably tank shells as well... but beyond that ... ? What exactly is the relationship between speed, size and invisibility? And here's another thing ... if you filmed the sky, and then slowed it down and down, would you see things that weren't visible in the " normal speed" version ? So .... what about birds ? Is it possible that there might be, up in the skies right now, unknown species of birds which are mostly undetectable due to their flight speed? Probably not ! For a start, they would be detectable once they slowed down .. though that could be got around, if they lived in long, remote cave systems in which they could slow down without being seen... or maybe in dense jungle environments. Then there's the heat problem ...could they get round that? If they were high enough the air would be thinner for a start. That picture at the top there might show one burning up high in the sky ... you can spot it quite easily just in the "prongs" of the letter E (for east) on the wind vane. Mysterious or what ? Others claim that this world-famous snap shows a UFO ... it's been examined by several eminent skyologists to no avail. If top researchers like Rocky Texpert, Luke Uppatit, Cindy Sky and Bernie Tupp can't sort it all out, who can ? Maybe it's one of those things we will never know.... but now, here's top French band Dolly and " Parti pour une heure"........ Je me fous des histoires
Qui tiennent debout, prennent de la place Qui bouffent l'espace et s'entretiennent Si l'on s'attache Tu etais parti pour une heure Je connais le refrain par coeur Comme on peut se maquer de tout Moi tu sais je m'en fous et je l'a... Voulais tu faire en sorte Que je n'en devienne que plus forte Mais sache que je n'm'en soucie Plus que de moi J'ai de vous le regard Les poches vides et les nuls part Le goût du hasard Et mes départ manquent de courage Mes yeux se ferment trop souvent Je vois des figures et d'autres fissures On me dévisage mais qui me rassure Ou me soulage Tu etais parti pour une heure Je connais le refrain par coeur Moi tu sais je m'en fous et je l'avoue On dit que les jours sont meilleurs Je connais le refrain par coeur Comme on peut se jouer de tout Tu sais moi je m'en fous Et je l'avoue Se moquer de tout Et je mens et je l'avoue Tu etais parti pour une heure Je connais le refrain par coeur Comme on peut se maquer de tout Moi tu sais je m'en fous et je l'avoue Comme on peut compliquer sa vie Comme on peu sans jouer aussi Tu sais moi je m'en fous Et si ca revient au même Tu sais je préfère Me moquer de tout On dit que les jours sont meilleurs Je connais le refrain par coeur Comme on peut se moquer de tout Moi tu sais je m'en fous et je l'avoue Hey ...the computer is back in action ! How wonderfully diverse us humans are. All different heights, different builds, skin colours, left/right handed, big/small noses/ears/teeth/genitalia (!) , different talents and abilities.... and yet we're all the same species. But ...when we look at birds, each species is incredibly uniform ..... take the Starling. All adult starlings are the same size ... well, not quite, but you'd be hard put to spot the difference. Same plumage, beaks the same size, leg lengths, toes, eyes ...... Yes, you get sexual differentiation ..... in some species. And obviously, the juveniles are a bit smaller. So ... the obvious question has to be .. .why are most wild animals so universally uniform ? And the second question is ... how come lots of domesticated versions can be remarkably different ?.. pigeons being an obvious example. I'll leave you to think about that..... and here's Zahara and " En la habitación" Fumo sola en la terraza del hotel
recuerdo el humo y la cerveza en tus manos. Anoche las niñas paseaban sus zapatos y no teníamos nada que perder. No teníamos nada... En este cuarto hay demasiado por hacer y no tengo a nadie con quien echar un rato. Todos queríamos ser extraordinarios Podrías hacer algo por volver podrías hacer algo... El tiempo en esta habitación me sabe a vino dedico demasiado a imaginar que estas conmigo apuro la copa de un trago dejo el cuerpo en el pasillo Hoy todo lo demás es lo de menos Hoy todo lo demás... Yo confiaba que subieras a mi habitación y no que te marcharas como hiciste Las escaleras son interminables si no hay quien te espere después si no hay quien te espere... No hay manera de que vuelve ese miércoles tengo la sal entre los ojos mojados Quiero que sepas que eres el culpable de que hoy me sienta extrañamente bien de que hoy me sienta extraña... El tiempo en esta habitación me sabe a vino dedico demasiado a imaginar que estas conmigo apuro la copa de un trago dejo el cuerpo en el pasillo Hoy todo lo demás es lo de menos Hoy todo lo demás... This old computer of mine needs to get fixed ... so I'll be out of action for a few days. So, to keep you busy, here's another of those bird-picture things .... here we go .... .... on a good day, you'd get that in 10 seconds .... ... and I'm hoping I'll get the computer back in, er, a few days.
Shock news ... it's raining !!!!!!!!!!!! And about time too. Mind you, it waited till I had just finished yet another early-morning watering of the gardens front and back. The very moment I put the blasted watering can away it started ..and it hasn't stopped. Woo ! Right ... back to business... You will all have admired my rather unusual "Nature Notes" columns on here .... but here's one written by my teenage hero Peter Simple ... he has a gentler, more whimsical approach than me, but then again, I live in a tougher world than he did. For many year he had a brilliant column in the Daily Telegraph with an amazing cast of eccentric characters and quirky illustrations.... and much of his work has been collected into compilations, in the same way that Private Eye does. So ... here's one of his rather eccentric "Nature Notes" ... written somewhere between 1965 and 1969 .... NATURE DIARY by "REDSHANK" The swallows have gone long ago on their autumnal pilgrimage to warmer climes ; and now their deserted nests hang pendulously from the eaves of the old telephone exchange at the far end of our village. The swifts have gone from the ruined bingo hall. The kingfishers - so numerous this summer that at times they made Cripp's Brook an iridescent inferno and caused widespread eyestrain among nature-lovers - all are gone. Only the dotterel, grey and forlorn, lingers hesitantly on. Yesterday, ensconced in a bed of giant wild rhubarb at the edge of Four Acre Meadow, I spent several hours watching a pair of these avian neurotics as they wheeled slowly in irregular circles, obviously uncertain whether to migrate or not. As I know from my own observations in past years, even when the dotterel has made up its mind to migrate ( signalling the decision by slowly turning its nest upside down) it is often unable to decide where to migrate to. After several short flights in different directions it will often return to its starting point. It will then spend several hours in a hunched position, staring hopelessly at its upturned nest, from which most of the lining of straw and old bus tickets has fallen. Finally, as though with a shrug it will slowly turn the nest the right way up again and climb gloomily inside, then instantly begin wondering all over again whether to migrate or not. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well readers, I hope you liked that .... and I hope you now know a little bit more about the life of the dotterel, and will perhaps go to your own local "rhubarb patch" and see if you can add to Simple's penetrating observations. But now, a lovely song ... which may, or may not, have been on here before. Cœur de Pirate ... " Place de la République " ... I hope you're impressed by the œ Yes, there's the Tower Hide at Wicken Fen ... here we are getting closer and closer to it .... I wonder if you've ever been to Wicken Fen .. it's not far from Cambridge. And it's a really wild place ... some have described it as prehistoric. In the summer it is awash with dragonflies and damselflies ... primitive stuff. Wild horses roam the area. Boardwalks abound. It's always been hot when I've gone there. And that Tower Hide is something special .... it's one of those creaky old hides with twonky stairs .... and when you get to the top it's really really tiny ... you can only get a few people in there, and you feel you're part of an exclusive coterie of top birders.And that's a rare feeling for me I can tell you. And tree-tops right close to it too... you can get point-blank views of Bullfinches and Sparrowhawks and the like sitting just a few yards away. And the terrain is so flat you can see for miles and miles. And because you're all packed together people get talking .. well, whispering. And a lot of these sentences seem to begin with A. And strange things happen. And, on one red-hot afternoon,when all the fields were dry as a bone, I was motoring towards it when I noticed a huge dust-storm drifting across the mega-flat landscape ..and as I got closer, so did it. And a few seconds later I was inside it. And ... it was really disorientating. And I thought that it would be OK .... but it was really really dark and still inside the storm ..... the headlights had almost no effect. And visibility was about 2 metres. . And my main concern was that someone would shunt into the car from behind... or that I would shunt into somebody in front. And also that I would go off the road. And luckily ... after about a minute it cleared away. And then I was able to pull in to the side and watched it as it slowly trundled over the fields into the far distance. And a few minutes later I arrived at the reserve ..there was still quite a bit of grey dust on the car, and lots of it in all the little cavities and hollows around the bonnet, the hatchback door and the window seals. And that's quite enough sentences beginning with and. Another time I went there having diverted my drive home on hearing that there had been a R-F Falcon there all pm. I was with that Mr. G by the way. But after about 1½ hours the assembled throng gave up in dribs and drabs ( I'm not sure which one I was ) and there, screeching into the Car Park was Mr. Big himself . That's Lee Evans to you. And me. He was truly livid that the R-F Falcon was not to be found .... and he made it clear that we had let him down.... it was, obviously, our fault. What was good about all this was, Lee, as per usual, was wearing virtually nowt ... shorts, yes, shoes, yes .... binoculars, yes. That was it. Nearly every time I've seen him, he's like that. Right then ... more brilliant ( and totally crap) hides will be revealed at various times, depending on my survival of course. But now ... the excellent Zahara and " Chica Pop"... el día que quiso parar siguió bañada en diamantes tan sólo quería pasar en roma sus vacaciones ella es una chica pop frágil como Marilyn por Warhol se llamaba Edda Kathleen era un cuatro de mayo y girar gritar!! y tratar de olvidar que tiene una casa sin vistas y tratar de olvidar que tiene una casa sin vistas no puede evitar fumar su piel son colores quemados te mira y no sabe mirar se pega como tierra mojada ella es una chica pop atrapada en papel fotográfico se entretiene con mirar a través del cristal y girar gritar!! y tratar de olvidar que tiene una casa sin vistas… y tratar de olvidar que tiene una casa sin vistas.. I was leafing through David Lack's seminal book " Population Studies of Birds" this morning, and turned to the list of references at the back ...and there was some interesting stuff to be found ... here we go then ...
Serventy, D.L. Egg-laying timetable of the Slender-billed Shearwater. Crumbs ... I didn't know that seabirds were so well organised ... or literate. But we find out more things every day don't we ? Mackenzie, N. Low wages and large families. And there we go again ... I had no idea that birds got paid. I suppose they want to build up a nest-egg ... ho-ho. Keith, L.B. Wildlife's Ten-Year Cycle. Flummoxed once more .... the Tour de France is one thing .. but the idea that various species bike around their area for 10 years seems a bit odd. Gudmundsson, F. Some reflections on Ptarmigan cycles in Iceland. Back to bloody cycling again ... I didn't even know that there were specially adapted bikes for different species of birds ... but obviously there are. Blimey . Grinnel, J. Presence and absence of animals. That one must have flown off the shelves !! What a gripping title. It covers the lot in one sweeping sentence ! The only book you'll ever need really. Carrick, R and Dunnet, G.M. Fact and fiction on the breeding of the Wandering Albatross. I hope they made it quite clear which was which. Caughley, G. The Cape Crozier Emperor Penguin rookery. I see ... so the penguins are running a rookery ..presumably so they can eat the rooks during the harsh winter season. OK. Bruns, H. The economic importance of birds in forests. Er ... what ? Wagner, H.O. Variation in clutch size at different latitudes. Aha ! Something useful at last. If you're lost deep in the jungle, or at sea, you can find a nest, and count the eggs, and then you consult the tables in Wagner's book, and Hey Presto !! you've sorted out your latitude. Brilliant. I'm sending off for it straight away. Here's the most mysterious paper though ... Taylor, T.H.C. The Biological control of an Insect in Fiji. Well, that takes the biscuit. I suppose it did well, because every insectologist would have to buy it to see if it was his/her insect. Most of them would be disappointed, but they couldn't risk missing out ( FOMO in action). I wonder where that insect is now ?? If you know, please let me know at once at [email protected] By the way, the book itself is a gripping read .. but the index is dead boring. I bet I could have livened it up a bit. Here's a few extracts to give you the flavour .. don't expect to be entertained ... Australian families, 290 Box and Cox, 268 Bump, G, 9 Cramp, S. 179 death-rate, see mortality, duck, 282 Fuggles-Couchman, N.R., 9, 151 Klomp, H. 294 monotely,307 Pangloss's theorem, 300 pines, tits in, 54-57, 80-96 Semenov-Tyan-Shanskii, O.I., 193, 206 shooting, effects of, 188,198, 205, 276 snail, 132 Szijj., 9,213,215,217 termite, 154, 157, 158, 165 tuberculosis, 188 Voous, K.H. 98,193,253 weevil, 281 Zink, G. 9, 213, 217-21, 225, 229 I was very tempted just to pick out all the silly names, but I managed to hold back a little. I'm still a bit worried about that "Insect in Fiji" though. I drove up to the "local" moors a day or two ago .... but when I got up there I found the usual parking areas were blocked off and there were notices all along the roadsides telling motorists not to park. I drove along for a few miles, looking for somewhere I could park, but they were all effectively shut. So I turned round and went home. I was many many many miles away from the Winter Hill etc fires ... but I can understand why they were doing it. Maybe it would have been helpful to have signs a few miles before you had bothered to slog up the blasted twisty-turny steep roads ... but no. That's management doing their jobs again eh? But..... but .... me, being a law-abiding citizen, I did as I was told.But on the way back I noticed that lots of other cars + people had parked their cars , and were leaving their engines running, wandering around, and maybe later they would be having a fag and setting up barbecues and the like. Who knows ? In our household we have a name for this .... " Railings Round the Park" When we lived in Liverpool for a while we used to go for long walks in the evening. .... no car then. Often we would go past a big park.... with spiky railing all round it. And it would be locked. That, of course, was to keep all those nasty trouble-making vandals and gits out. But actually it did the exact opposite ... the park was crammed with all the gits and shits .... but all us "nice, law-abiding" types were stuck outside. They could run riot in there totally freely. We could hear all sort of racket and god-knows-what going on in there. Those spiky railings round the park did the exact opposite of their intended purpose. All the prats could and did go over them, but normal, peacefully-going-for-a-walk-people didn't. And in the same way, those notices up in the moors were doing the exact opposite to what they were intended to do ... all the irresponsible shits just parked there anyway,with their barbecues and fags and engines running and all of us ordinary, harmless types were kept away..... so they were completely unobserved and totally safe. Yes, that all worked well then ! This "railings round the park" effect is going on in all sorts of scenarios ... I'm sure you can all see the relevance of all this to a lot of what us birders do.... we sometimes find ourselves excluded from areas in which we would do no harm. But we can't help noticing that plenty of much dodgier people go there without any noticeable consequences. There's a lot of illegal off-road driving going on these days, which I hope we won't do, but but lots of halfwits will, endangering us in the process. And now you know about the "railings-round-the-park" phenomenon, you'll spot it all over the place. If you have any juicy examples, you could tell me about it ... [email protected] (or as a comment) Here's a jolly sort of video to counteract my grumbly stuff up there ... and hey, maybe there's a bird or two to spot .... you never know ... |
AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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