Yes, I know that is too small to read comfortably, but don't worry ... all three of those columns of text are down below in a larger format ... but on this view of the whole thing you can read the title ... which is important.... so once you've read the title, you can scroll on down ... This one is all about the previous post ...or rather, it's about where the IDEA for the previous post came from. So ... it's probably a good idea to skip back one and read that first. If you haven't admired it already that is. I know I have. Here's a handy picture to act as a sort of "interlude" while you have a read of it. Well, I'm sure you all guessed that those three "scientific papers" I put on here in the previous post were all made up by me. And here's why I did it ..... it all sprung from a newspaper cutting... see above ..... and below.... here they are in the enlarged version I promised you ...... It's well worth reading .... What Boghossian has demonstrated beautifully with his cobbled-together, fake jargon-ridden "academic papers" is the sheer incompetence, gullibility and downright ignorance and low standards of those who read and accepted his work. He deliberately inserted all sorts of mistakes,fake trendy buzzwords and falsehoods into his essays and, I suspect, was pretty amazed that they all got accepted and published in so-called " respected and rigorous" journals. He's skewered them right through the heart with those papers he wrote. And it needed doing. I wouldn't mind having a go at it myself .. writing a complete paper, not just the title like I did in that previous post .. the whole caboodle. It's mighty tempting. I've got all the "skills" for it ... I'm a terrific liar, I know plenty of those fancy-pants biological buzz-words, and nobody knows who I really am. Well. nobody that matters anyway. I cut out that, er, cutting a while ago .... I wonder what has happened to him since. He should get a medal. Here's a remarkably apposite bit of music ... I remember the first time I heard that beautiful swoony intro thousands of years ago on Radio Luxembourg !
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That's my street yesterday morning . Obviously not "birding light." No. As you know, I like to bring you an occasional round-up of all the latest and best research papers in our field. So, without further ado ,not that there's been much ado as far as I know, here we go. If there has been any, then it must have been much ado about nothing. Which would be a complete waste of time. Unlike these selected gems from the top avian sources.... Gasserjunger, A und Wasserdicht, A Tidschrift für Stachmücken, Dec 2018. Internally generated semiotic schisms experienced in mixed-gender birding scenarios in the American uplands ; an empirical-hierarchical-eschatalogical study. ( Note ..this is a follow-up to similar research which took place in the American lowlands.)( Vital stuff) Huckerbuck C, Topfer F, Smith Q, Hindemith W . Nottingamshire Nature notes Aug 2018 Three things we need to know [1] Are murmurations mixed-gender? [2] If they are not, why not ? [3] What other questions are yet to be asked? [4] What questions should not be asked? ( As you can see, those four, Colin, Fenella, Quietude and Wembley, are your " down-to-earth", "no-nonsense" types you rarely encounter these days in the academic sphere) Understump W F, Scarpet B V and Shiftling T T. Avian Advances, August 2018. Suspected internal-intuitional-international schematic disorientation episodes during a 473-day penguin survey in the Baffle Islands archipelago. A multi-factorial gender-neutral approach. Note.. there were actually 3 of those 473-day expeditions running simultaneously to provide valid comparisons of the three groups ... [a] All male [2] all female and [3] 127 of each. No group knew of the existence of the other groups to avoid various things. Rumours are that those things happened anyway. Well , that's the best three of the 487 papers I have read over last year. Some of the others were awful ! Most of them actually. And boring. But those are right bangers ! Time, I think, for the music ... Clam, Crab, Cockle, Cowry... Joanna Newsom... ( That means no, where I come from .... ) That means no Where I come from I am cold Out waiting for the day to come I chew my lips And I scratch my nose Feels so good to be a rose Oh don't, don't you lift me up Like I'm that shy No no no no no Just five it up There are bats all dissolving in a row Into the wishy-washy dark that can't let go I cannot let go So I thank the Lord And I thank his sword 'Tho it be mincing up the morning, slightly bored Oh, oh morning without warning like a hole And I watch you go There are some mornings when the sky looks like a road There are some dragons who were built to have and hold And some machines are dropped from great heights lovingly And some great bellies ache with many bumblebees And they sting so terribly I do as I please Now I'm on my knees Your skin is something that I stir into my tea And I am watching you And you are starry, starry, starry And I'm tumbling down And I check a frown It's why I love this town Well, just look around Just see me serenaded hourly ! And celebrated sourly : Dedicated dourly Waltzing with the open sea Clam, crab, cockle, cowrie Oh will you just look at me ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The reason for me writing about those three "papers" will be explained in the next post .... Lucky You ! Sparrow Faucet-Major or what !! At some stupid hour of the early morning I turned the radio on .... you get all sorts at that time.. but this time I got a couple of minutes of "Tweet of the Day" ... and it was about the Australian Magpie. That Dave Shatteredborough was doing it. He played its remarkably odd song. And then he told us that there was a famous poem about that very song. It's famous for a line in it that imitates the song. Well... I had to have a look at that .. oh yes ! Me and poetry !... well, you know what I'm like. In general, most attempts to put birdsong into writing are garbage. [ROB#37] Anyhow, here it is ... and then we'll see if that "Rule of Birding #37" is true. The Magpie [poem by C. J. Dennis] This poem by C. J. Dennis was published in The Singing Garden (1935). The Magpie “CalLOG’alloo-ay!” On a windy day. Perched on a tree-top high I pour my notes from a valiant throat; For cock o’ the walk am I! Defiant, loud, superbly proud, My song soars to the blue, A clarion call a challenge to all: “CalLOG’alloo-ay-calloo!” I have set the bounds to my feeding grounds; And here I am the king. With beak and claw I press my law On every feathered thing. Cock o’ the walk — no questing hawk, Proud eagle, crow nor thrush Stays to defy my battle-cry, My pinions’ whistling rush. “CalLOG’allay-oo!” When day is new I fill the scented morn With a joyful song, loud, sweet and long -- My echoing, hunting horn. “Calloo, callay!” I greet the day Throned on a tree-top high. In my domain I rule, I reign, Cock o’ the walk am I ! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ... smashing poem that ... it brisks along ...but what about the "accuracy of song" rating ? Is "brisking" a verb ? Well, it is now. In my little world. Let's see shall we ... here's a brilliant video of two of them..... I want to go to Australia right now !! Amazing stuff ... a sort of " sing-off." But is it anythink like wot the pome sez ? ...... Well ... reluctantly ... no . But, to be fair ... who could transcribe that ... an almost impossible task. Let's all get on the plane now ! Hang on...here's three of 'em .... House tick this morning .... 2 rabbits out the back.
Never seen from the house before .... could it be the snow/ice ? Swice ... there's my new addition to the meteorological vocabulary. Swice .... the snow/ice combination. Music later ... car prospecting will fill my day .... grrrrrrr. At least my hair was better than his... what on earth has he done to it ? Thanks to this helpful harticule, you'll have all you need to invent ..sorry, write, your own Celebrity Birding Book..... woo ! Here we go then.... here's the plan. [1] Invent your infancy. [2] Invent your schooldays [3] Invent your friends .... and your enemies. [4] Invent your twenties. [5] ..and all the other phases of your life. [6] How you fell from grace. [7] How you fought back and became top again. So ..here's my very own " for instance" to set you on the right track .. ... but remember ... your life could well have been a bit different to mine. ...... well, I hope for your sake it was anyway. ......... so you will need to adjust these phases a bit to fit your own dreary life. Chapter 1 My infant years, and how my parents ruined it. They insisted on treating me like an infant. Chapter 2 My pre-teen years ... and how my "friends" ruined it. Not that I had any friends. But Bird-Spotting got me through it. Even though I was deprived of any equipment. And there was nowhere to go. But for a few weeks I did have a "girlfriend" called Edith Crow. Was it her name that confirmed my destiny ? Interlude How moving over the Pennines to Widnes ruined everything. Especially as Widnes was and is a birding disaster area. And I lost the few friends I never even had in the first place. But reading The Observers Book of Birds got me through it. And looking at the pictures. Chapter 3 My miserable years at Wade Deacon Grammar School, Widnes. And how having no friends made me stronger but stranger. And the games teachers called me Rosemary. Because I had long hair ... it was very beautiful. But I didn't cut it. That showed the bastards. And my father wouldn't be seen with me in public. That lasted for only about 25 years though. I decided I was the reincarnation of Richard Jefferies. Him and birdwatching got me through it, but scathed. And how I very nearly didn't go to University. But that's another story of startling brinksmanship. But I did win the Natural Sciences Prize. And the prize money got me some proper bird books. Chapter 4 The University Years .... now binocularised. Including "How Marriage Ruined my Birding." And ... "How Birding Ruined my Marriage." But overall, it was the best bit of my life . Chapter 5 How jobs ruined my burgeoning urge to twitch. And how my burgeoning urge to twitch ruined my jobs. And how living in London was not good. It's horrible. And how having no car, no friends and no money ruined the lot. Chapter 6 I get older and older. But I DO get a car. And immediately start whizzing around ticking stuff. BUT ... I also get TWINS. Which stopped me whizzing around etc. And also used up all my money, such as it was. But ... I survived through it all, and did indeed see a few birds. But at least it gives me lots to write about. Chapter 7 The twins bog off but still cost me a fortune. And most of my holidays are spent ferrying them to and from their universities, which, of course, are at opposite ends of the UK. Bah ! Although, by adjusting those ferryings slightly, I did manage to tick quite a few rarities that just happened to be on the way. Well, not that far off. Chapter 8. I get kicked off Bruce's Nature Reserve. This casts a blight over my frail ego. I feel I have fallen from grace, through no known fault of my own. But it did teach me not to trust bulky bossy bastards any more. And over the years, I scraped what was left of my ego and spooned it back into my brain. Happy days ! Chapter 9 I get even older, and approach my impending and inevitable death with equanimity. But then .... I have an idea..... Chapter 10 I write a book about all that lot, and make a fortune, and become the very thing I have always ridiculed and despised... a celebrity. At last I can afford a telescope good enough for a top birder like wot I have become, and light enough for me to carry at he age of 89. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ok folks... all you have to do now is..... adapt all that to fit your own miserable upbringings, and write it all down with wit, perspicacity and a good helping of lies, falsifications, mendacity and fake news. Like I have just now. And I can truly assure you ... once you've got those headings.... you're off ! And if you're out there, Edith, why not leave me a comment. Or .. on 2nd thoughts ... maybe not. I'm not what I was ! For all young and/or inexperienced mothers, this is the page that sends an icy chill down their spines ! That bloke up there ... he's just seen it for the first time. An hour ago. (!) It's "The Pug Page" ! The Deadly Dastardly Diabolical Diagram Plate 10 in "Skinner" ... the mother's bible. [ If you're another sort of mother, move swiftly on, or ask anothermother ] The further down the page you go, the worse they get. Especially when you realise that whole swathes of them are different versions of the same one ! Ouch ! But ... moving on to the Realm Of Birding, of which we are all, like it or not, a humble (or less humble) part, we of course have our own "Problem Plates" .... pages crammed with pictures of birds that all look more or less the same. Partly because some of them ARE the same. But you can hardly tell. Here's a few For Yew to view Yew might go "phew" You might say "Cew !" Oh yes, it's Trew Yew're in the Stew Yew've really trewly not a Clew ! But they're not the only ones. OK ...warblers are small .... but at least you can get reasonably close to them. But those waders .... the various Stints for instance ... they're pretty tiny ... but usually they're bloody miles away .... why, I've no idea. What are they up to out there ? Have you ever held a Dunlin in your hand ? Well I have, many times,and it's a real eye-opener when you see how tiny they are. And they're part of a series of " confusion species." Many of which as it happens, are also both dinky and distant .... a dodgy combination indeed. [ Safety message ... don't take Dunlins out of nets with your eyes shut.] [ No "eye-opening" should be needed.] Plus ... a big big problem with all those Paradoxical Puzzling Plates is that they're in easily-available bird books that any old fool can buy at reasonable prices in the shops. Or, I suspect. online. Now what could go terribly wrong there ? I wonder. Er ..... Surely complete beginners couldn't misidentify some of those birds and put them on Witter or Instacrap or Whatshite or Pootube or Smugchat and then umpteen twitchers/twerps/robinstrokers ...and maybe even some actual birders .... might spend hours and hours and gallons and gallons and the like going to see "it". No ..no no no ! And a thousand times no ! But....... looking at it realistically .... YES. And here's my solution to all this I would put all the "serious stuff" about bird identification in a separate book which you could only get if you passed several stiff tests, both theoretical and practical ... just like you do if you are learning to drive or getting your "Mountain Leadership" qualification .... that sort of thing. Do it now !! Before any more non-existent Melodious Warblers are ticked . There is only one snag ... I have a horrible feeling that I would fail it !! Or ... you would have to renew "it" when you were 70 or whatever. Oh dear oh dear. But ... on the plus side ...... I can't actually think of anything on the plus side. Hey .. it's snowing. And it's getting snowier. So ...the music has to be ... "Incendios de Nieve" ... LOL . This morning on the news we were told that the number of Police Officers somewhere or other suffering from stress had increased by 81%. Now that tells us nothing about the actual numbers. If they were referring to, say, a little market town, it might mean that the numbers had risen from 21 to 38 ( 38.01 to be precise) In a big town, it might mean from 129 to 233 Or in a huge city, it might be from 4200 to 7602 ! So ...why don't they tell us the actual numbers ? So ...why don't they tell us the actual numbers ? And the same goes for birds.... they're forever telling us that the Resplendent Rumpulent has decreased by 74% ..... OK. But if there were still 88,056,449 of them, that's not quite as awful. Whereas. if there were only 7 left, that would be a bit of a disaster ! But that "74%" doesn't tell us that. And very often, neither do "they." So I say..... tell us the figures, then the %. Then we know. Which is what we want. Short and sweet. Which just happens to be a beautiful Roy Harper song... ..covered here by David Gilmour....... You ask what is the quality of life?
Seeking to justify the part you play And hide, fearing it incomplete, to try To make it any more or less than short and sweet But short, short is from you to me, as close As we are wont to try to make it be We're caught watching the dark in the sky, who knows? Helpless as time itself to hold the time of day And you, you are a fantasy, a view From where you'd like to think the world should see Be true and you will likely find a few Building a vision new and justice to our time And we, we, the immoral men, we dare Naked and fearless in the elements And free, carefree of tempting fate, aware And holding off the moral nightmare at the gates And sweet, sweet as a mountain stream, we'll look Toward a new day breaking in the east We'll meet as every future dream unfolds And surely quality that is the very least Not bad eh ? A bit of an emotional Cola-Roaster ! It's a good question that ! Apparently everyone should have one these days. A side-hustle, that is. It was on the news this morning .... and this young lady told us we needed one. I've come to the conclusion that this is my side-hustle. Writing all this birding stuff ... .... and the other stuff I write about Welsh/French/Spanish/German. [I tend to do it at the going down of the sun, and in the morning.] Whereas the "main" thing is the whole humdrummery of life itself. I like that word ... humdrummery. Especially as I've just made it up. So .. your main job/work/whatever you do is one thing. Humdrummery. It pays the bills, gets the sink unblocked, takes the rubbish out. Your "side-hustle" is a sort of "second job" .. often because you have to. Often because it's a change .... something you do because you want to. So that's that sorted ..... After her, there was another woman telling us that .. .... "women were changing The Rules of Poetry !" I didn't know there were any. And if there are, I certainly don't take any notice if them. She also told us that " Keats was dead." Er ...... yes..... Blimey ... I've just heard That a poem about a bird for example doesn't have to rhyme or scan or any of that conformist and conventional gormless stuff and if you can't find owt to rhyme with gannet stuff it ! But I wouldn't want to do any of that I mean, think what might happen if Linnet don't never rhyme with nuffink, innit ? and anyway why do the lines have to be in line I've no idea, and what if I made shearwater into watershear just so it would rhyme with wheatear suppose I backwards all it write could I but why ? and anyway, who's to say ¿ ♣ s ♦ s ♠ s + ♥s everythingeventuallyfallsaparts ! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For the 73½th time, I thank you for your attention ! I think I made a couple of points there ... and points mean prizes. I also think that this would be in order ... I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand,
Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man? These sensations barely interest me for another day, I've got the spirit, lose the feeling, take the shock away. It's getting faster, moving faster now, it's getting out of hand, On the tenth floor, down the back stairs, it's a no man's land, Lights are flashing, cars are crashing, getting frequent now, I've got the spirit, lose the feeling, let it out somehow. What means to you, what means to me, and we will meet again, I'm watching you, I'm watching her, I'll take no pity from you friends, Who is right, who can tell, and who gives a damn right now, Until the spirit new sensation takes hold, then you know, Until the spirit new sensation takes hold, then you know, Until the spirit new sensation takes hold, then you know, I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling, I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling, Feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling. What he needs is one of those "Side-Hustles" like wot we've got ! I've been investigating more " Birds in Film titles" ... and not just birds either. It's a simple amusement, and harmless enough. Here's some of the sillier ones.... The Spy who came in from the Cod ( fish) Fawrenheit 451 ( bird) Close Encooterns of the Bird Kind ( 3 there) Jayrassic Lark ( 2) Monty Python and the Holy Rail ( Snake + bird) Pigmoalion (Extinct bird +2 mammals) Beetleship Potemkingfisher ( Insect + bird) Battlethrip Pottomkin ( Insect + Primate !) Buttlesheep Motmotelfkingfisher (Buttle=bittern + mammal + motmot etc) The Crabuate (Mollusc) Tring Me The Head of Alfredodo Garseaurchin (birding spot + invertebrate + bird) But ...what I really want is some of your efforts .... and the dafter the better. [email protected] Here's a moody French song by Noir Désir ... L'Appartement. No ... it's not just an excuse to put a Bowie song on here ... even though I'm going to. It's actually about my obsession with "things that never get said." Well, not in the "popular" media anyway. Right now, on the moon and on Mars, ingenious machines are sampling the surface of each of those bodies. And one of the things scientists are keen to find is ...life. Or at least, signs of life. Evidence that life was once there, if nothing better can be found. So ...lets say they find an actual living thing.... or a recently living thing.... and they bring it back.Well, there are various scenarios. Maybe it will be close to the sort of life we have on Earth .... some single-celled organism like Euglena or Paramecium. That would be amazing stuff .... but not that amazing. We know they live here .... and there are perfectly feasible ways in which they could have got to another body. But it's a start. But what if they found some organism we apparently haven't got here on Earth ...as far as we know.Well, that's quite a breakthrough. But ..they might well find that the "DNA coding" uses the same 4 bases in groups of three,producing the same strings of amino-acids to make proteins in the same way that life on Earth does. That would not be too surprising ... it would be pretty standard. As far as we know so far, all life on Earth uses in its DNA the same 4 bases, A, C, T, and G, in groups of 3 which code for the same 20 amino-acids in the same way, stringing them together in the same way ... no exceptions. It's been like that since the first living things appeared on Earth. As far as we know. [ Note .. RNA uses a slightly different set of bases, but works in a similar way] Here's a dinky video that shows you what goes on ! But supposing these new organisms were not quite like that. They might, for example, use those same 4 bases, but the coding was different. So the sequence ATG might code for a different amino-acid to ours ! That would be a hell of a thing ! That would be an amazing discovery .... to find an organism that used a different coding system. That's one of the Holy Grails of scientific research. But does it ever get a mention in the newspaper reports. No. Does it ever get mentioned in the newspapers. No. And yet .... all those people working on these projects must know that a discovery like that would be absolutely shattering. We would know that, almost certainly, life has been created, and evolved, elsewhere and independently from our Earthly life-forms ..... that, maybe, just maybe,the creation of new, differently -coded life-forms is not as rare as we might think. But they don't mention it .... I think they think it's too big ! Too big a thing for us to deal with. Coo ! Blimey !! That's my theory anyway. It's just too big a thing for us humans to cope with. I'd be OK with it though. I'm an inclusive old Hector. Well, I've been to Ayr ... but only for a couple of hours. We went there on the only dry day in a holiday week of relentless rain. Very few birds were seen. It was that bad. On one of the extremely drastically wet days I drove to Caerlaverock. But it was rubbish. The conditions were appalling ! You couldn't see a sausage out of the hide windows, such was the violence of the downpour. You could hardly stand up in the wind. I think my list was about 7. Which must be a Caerlaverock record. The cafe was good though .. and warm. 7 ! Ha ! But ...moving on. As a quirky Christmas present, my sister gave me some big metal letters. Only 3 though ... and they were A, Y and R. Why, I've no idea. I expect they were going cheap. to clear, that sort of thing. Anyhow, our house hasn't got a name, so I suggested to The Significant Otter that we name the house "AYR" and I volunteered to fasten them on to the door. I thought it would be dead neat. You never see dinky names like that ! In fact, I reckon it might be the only 3-letter house name in the Universe. How about that. But... She said NO. And why ? You can't call a house "Ayr." So that was the end of that. Except ... I wondered.... if I had a few extra letters could I make it into a bird ? That might be acceptable. Maybe ..a long shot, but possible. Obviously, I came up with Cassowary first. Who wouldn't. But I don't think she'd like that. A big clumsy thing. It would only remind her of me. Then there's the Secretary Bird. That might have unfortunate connotations. What about the lovely Fairy Gannet ? Hang on..that's an aeroplane ... and its spelt Fairey. There's a Fairy something I'm sure.Tern ! That's it. Fairy Tern. So, dear readers ... can you come up with an even shorter bird that would include my three letters ..... they probably cost a couple of squids each, those big metal letters, so I've got to keep the price down. Fairy Tern would mean buying 6 of them ... cripes. So ... help me out by coming up with a cheaper alternative. And preferably, something sweet and pretty. She might just find it acceptable. So ... that's your ... and my ... aim. And for no particular reason, here's Alison ( My Aim is True).. Elvis Costello. |
AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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