I'm sure you've all read that "Skua" poem I wrote..well, more of a "verse" really. It's 2 posts back. I hope you all liked it. But I 'm not the first to write silly word-twisting things like that. Not by a long way..... Here's a few of Ogden Nash's complicated verses I'm tried pick some good'uns , but I'm not sure which the worstis but he's cleverer that I am With the the spondee and the iamb but as for the pentameter he's basically an ameter. THE PLATYPUS I like the duck-billed platypus Because it is anomalous. I like the way it raises its family, Partly birdly, partly mammaly. I like its independent attitude. Let no one call it a duck-billed platitude. FRAGONARD There was an old miser named Clarence Who simonised both of his parents. " The initial expense," He remarked, " is immense, But I'll save it on wearance and tearance." BENJAMIN There was a brave girl of Connecticut Who flagged the express with her pecticut, Which her elders defined As presence of mind, But deplorable absence of ecticut. THE COBRA This creature fills its mouth with venum And walks upon its duodenum, He who attempts to tease the cobra Is soon a sadder he, and sobra. INTROSPECTIVE REFLECTION I would live my life in nonchalance and insouciance Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance. Well .... I wouldn't like you to think I've just nicked the idea from him ... it's been a long road which many have walked.... and let's hope we can all walk along it forever ...
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We often read in text-books about some species being " inconspicuous." And others are " very inconspicuous ." OK ... but ... just how far can this go ? Think about it ... Maybe .. just maybe ... there are species that are so inconspicuous ... So very inconspicuous ... ... incredibly, stunningly inconspicuous ... ............. that in fact nobody's ever seen them. .......................... and probably never will .... ...all that space up there ..... that's probably crammed with those ridiculously inconspicuous birds ...all hopping around and generally being very very very inconspicuous ! A lot more inconspicuous than what I'm typing now. But a lot like this .... Phew !! Back to normality ... and the music section ... and a little slice of "normality" from top Wirral band Half Man Half Biscuit.. " The Referee's Alphabet" .... get your notebook out you lot .... There's no better bird than the Skua He's much better at flying than ua Mind you, he smells much like a sua Because he's a prolific pua. But he does have a certain allua Even if the reason's obscua. But nowadays there are far fua All because he's not much of a scrua ( He's more of a thinker than adua) But if you want top views of some Skuas When going on long ocean tuas There's nothing so totally truas The need for the best binocluas. But be warned ... there is no known cua For the powerful allua of the Skua ! Unless some entrepenua Invents something to stop it for shua ! Well readers, my brains, or what's left of them, are totally boiled after all that. So, here's the refreshing tones of Manu ..." J'Attends l'Heure". After all, we could do with something nua , Especially for you, dear vua ! Fauteuil qui roule ne roule pas écran, vieil écran mains qui ne serrent plus que des gants Blancs sabots et fortes odeurs tournent autours de toi pas besoin de peigne, pas la peine Toujours là la tache sur ton gilet depuis des lustres j'attends l'heure du repas toujours froid J'attends l'heure ... Fauteuil qui roule ne roule pas écran, vieil écran et les somnifères dents dans le verre Purée de pluie, purée de pois est-ce que je m'ennuie ? C'est l'heure des médicaments des chevaux blancs Toujours là la tache de la pendule à l'écran j'attends l'heure du repas j'ai toujours froid J'attends l'heure ... This extra thing is the "answer" to a question I'm going to put on here in the far distant future.... There it is ..... all you've got to do now is wait a while and the question will turn up ! Unless, of course, I drop dead in the meantime.
There are loads of rules for us birders .... really important ones like "don't forget your binoculars" and " don't wear a bright red hat" and " don't tread on quails" ... you know the sort of thing. We've all been there. But there's loads of much more elusive ones .... and here's one to get us started.. You spot a bird way, way up in the sky. It looks good. It could be something interesting. You look away for a second to pick up your bins off the seat. And guess what ... the blasted thing's completely bloody vanished. And there we have our new rule .. DON'T LOOK AWAY. As you all no doubt know, there's a whole "thing" about using place-names to describe phenomena there is no word for.... like that one I've just told you about. There's a book full of them .. " The Meaning of Liff." So...... "The uncanny ability of birds to vanish even if you look away for a millisecond." .... It's called " Far Rockaway" Yes, it's a real place. There's rules for guitar players too .... for example, tuning up your guitar is vital. Even more vital is actually singing in tune. Not quite so vital, but important, is having a decent backing vocalist. Let's see how not obeying those simple rules can be, er, excruciating ...shall we... go on, you know you want to .... after all, 4 people liked it ! I thought you might like a few educational verses .... after all, the whole point of verse is that it makes things easier to remember, or if you like, harder to forget.... .. and first up ,here's a dinky bit of criticism .... The Blackcap's very interesting But not, I think, when it is nesting A sighting, though, in mid-December We're much more likely to remember. Yes, I think you know what we're getting at there. This next one is about the illogical names of many birds..... The cowbird has neither horn nor hoof Nor udders, which is surely proof That birds are named capriciously By halfwits, most illogically. You all know what I'm talking about there folks . So here's a good way of remembering what bird-namers ought ... and ought not .. to be doing ... Birds should be named by what they do Like the Dipper, Grouse and Loon, The Moa, Skimmer, Swan, Cuck-oo, The Bellbird with its ringing tune. But most are not, e.g. the Gannet Which flies ,widdershins, round fair Annet and the Ptarmigan, which does neither "Pt" nor "arm" nor "igan" either. And what about the Black-winged Stilt Which doesn't "winge" and doesn't "tilt" It "lacks" for nothing, especially "B" Its naming is a travesty. Worst of all, the Cormorant ! It's not a Corm ( a gardener's word) And not an Ant ( the thought's absurd) It's namer must be ignorant !! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's all sadly true .... what we need on the "bird-naming" job is a top brain like Boris "Blunderbus" Johnson and/or Michael "Frog-features" Gove. I'm sure they're up for it. We didn't get to see the lunar eclipse last night ... in fact, it rained quite a bit. We did have 3 hedgehogs trundling round the garden though. Right .. music ... we've done cowbirds ... now Neil Young in doing the lovely and smashing " Cowgirl in the Sand" ..... and why not.. it's chunky, a bit funky, maybe a trifle clunky ... but that's live music for you ...... Another interfering old fool has emailed me ( [email protected]) about one of the quiz questions I set a few posts ago ( #152 ]. So ... a Ms. Amy Edhertz has written in to tell me that Question 6 has more than one answer.In fact, according to her, they are all right. ... ..anyhow, have another look at the question shall we ... [6] Which tree must all birders climb when they get a tick ? If any. [a] The Gum tree. [b] The Jum Jum tree [c] The Tom Thumb's Bum tree. Well, Ms. Edhertz tells me that which tree you climb after getting a new tick varies from county to county ...and, I suspect, from country to country.... The Gum tree is climbed by birders in Cornwall and Devon.Maps are available in all their local shops showing the locations of all Gum Trees in those counties ... and householders are obliged to let tickers into their gardens if required.... within reason of course. But one has to ask oneself ..is any of this "within reason ?" The Jum-Jum Tree, which is the one I always climb, as do many of my birding acquaintances, is climbed throughout northern counties of England, plus Flintshire of course. You don't need maps to find them .. the smell is unmistakable over large distances. The Tom Thumb's Bum Tree, which I thought was made up by me, is actually a very common tree throughout Rutland, and in fact is becoming a bit of a pest, invading gardens, parks and playgrounds overnight and causing ,er, trouble. How was I to know that ? On the plus side, they're apparently very easy to climb. Anyway, that's what they climb apparently. No maps are available, but local birders have put up lots of signs to show tickers where they are. I'm going to have to find out for myself about all the others. But the upside is, then I'll tell you. Some of you might know. Then you might tell me. I'm waiting. That's enough of silly tree stories ... there's a LUNAR ECLIPSE this evening ... weather permitting and assuming Spode's Law won't be operating properly. So here's a bit of moon-related Welsh music. Yfed = drink Gyda'r - with the Lleuad = moon Notice how the verb generally comes first in Welsh. I remember vividly getting my first Yellow-Browed Warbler. I drove about 15 miles to "the spot." There were about 60 people there. But no bird. They reassured me that it would be along in about 20 minutes. Crumbs, I thought. How on earth do they know that? Mind you,they looked like a clever bunch . Well, this is how they knew. This bird, they informed me, was on a "circuit". It went regularly around this big loop along the hedgerows, which took it about 40 minutes. A sort of "circuit." I didn't know about that. It had been gone for about 20 minutes... so it would be where we were in another 20 minutes. And indeed, it was. I did my usual ticking ceremony, and so did all the others . But there were quite a lot of different ones going on. I suppose there are different local "tick celebrations" all over the country. And some people have their very own one. Some are carefully choreographed, especially if a group have all come in the same car. But seriously ... it's a good thing to know. For a start , there's a basic rule about twitches .... once you're at the spot, with all the others, you don't go away. Because it's odds on that the target bird is on a circuit. Many's the time I've wandered off, and when I've come back all the others have seen the stupid thing. Grrrr. This is especially true if it's a dinky thing. They tend to have circuits. Oh yes. And if you do go away, and come back and say you've seen it, nobody will believe you and your name will be mud for ever after. Best to just sneak off home and tell nobody is my advice. Or tell them you're somebody else of course. So there you go ... lots of good advice as usual. But was any of that true ? Well, I wonder ... A reader ( a Mr. S.W Otty, if that's his real name) has emailed me about one of my quiz question from a couple of posts ago .... here's the original question ... what do all these (fictional) birds have in common.....? ... Cliff-lift Swift Tufty Tit Silly Stilt Which-is-it Kiwi Crusty Gull Scary Finch Well, old S W tells me that my answer wasn't the only one. He claims that (a) the birds are real !!!!! (b) their names derive from their calls !!!!!!! And it turns out he's right .... here's what Wackypedia has to say about them ... Cliff-lift Swift. So-called not because of its proclivity for elevatory appliances, but actually because of its penetrating " Kleeeeeee-Fleeeeeft" call which is uttered during its mating-flight on Thursday evenings. [ crumbs ] Tufty Tit. Yes, it is tufty, but in its native land that would be called " kebbleem." No, our name for it comes from the piercing call " TUFFFFFFFFFFFFF-teeee which it does just once in its life, when it eats one peanut too many.. that's all it takes folks. Silly Stilt. Well, of course, Stilts aren't silly at all. No. The real reason for its name is the almost inaudible whispery " seeeeeee-leeeeeeee" which it makes just as it falls asleep in its neat little bed of dried seaweed. How sweet. Which-is-it Kiwi There are 17 races of Kiwis, and the Which-is-it Kiwi is by far the stupidest. It is drastically indecisive, and whenever it is faced with a decision, it pours out its plaintive, worried call of " witch-is-it, witch-is-it,witch-is-it" over and over until it comes to a decision at last. Mostly a bad decision, actually. Crusty Gull This is an odd one. Nobody knows why, but whenever it sees a parked car with the windows rolled down, it starts calling " crooooooooos- TEE" over and over again, often for hours on end. The only way to stop it, temporarily, is to throw it a bit of bread.It works, but why ?What it did before cars were invented ....... nobody knows. Scary Finch No, it's not scary at all...of course not. Smelly, yes. Scary, no. It's called that because of its "amatory ascent". Up and up it flies, and then bombs down at an immense speed to impress its current squeeze with its prowess ... and just before it plummets to its death, it utters the single call... scaaaaaaaaaare............... EEEEEE. Just like that. Weird ! So, thanks to my correspondent from Chipping Shitbury, we now know a bit more about the dear dear birds around us. Yes .... it's Daukes Hide at Cley. .... it's another of my favourite hides .... it's #6 on the map below. I doesn't really take 13 hours though. I suspect it means 1.3 hours. 1 hour 18 minutes. I'm sure most of you have been there.... Cley reserve on the N. Norfolk coast. There's two other hides alongside it as well.... it's all good. I don't know what my "list" is for Daukes hide but it must be impressive. At least 7. Plus quite a few mammals, butterflies, moths, spiders etc. One drawback ... being Norfolk, it's often bloody hot. Over the years the car park has got bigger, and the "Hut" has now turned into a huge Visitor Centre with a massive cafe/shop and an impressive (I'm reluctant to say this) line of huge windows overlooking the whole reserve. One feels rather god-like sitting there scoping stuff flying over the sea a mile away. Even The Significant Otter has been there ... she brings the sandwiches. And the flask. Even the boardwalk leading to it is brilliant.... dragonflies whoosh around, mystery warblers mystify, odd reedbed-dwellers grunt and chunter to themselves as you step the creaky boards. And you get to meet other birders with much better binoculars than yours. It's all very redolent. I recommend going round the whole place using the excellent,celebrity-thronged round-the-whole-place path. You can linger at the spot where Millington found something, and Gantlett found something else. Probably something Spotted/Vermiculated/Caucasian/Black-throated/Pacific/Five-barred. You can wonder at the skid-marks from Lee Evans' last visit as well. But you can't take a well-earned break at the Beach Cafe any more .. it's long gone, into the sea from whence, no doubt, it came. As did we. Here's a question for you... What are those other two hides called ? That's enough of that..... here's Jupiter Jones, whom I'm sure you're all getting to like, with "Und dann warten." I was looking up stuff about kites in the distant past on't net this morning .... here's the best (?) account I found ... Restricted as it was to the wilds of central Wales, for the past hundred years or so the red kite has been almost symbolic of the mystical and mysterious culture of the Celts and the Celtic lands of the western fringes of the British Isles. Driven out from everywhere else, there it remained as a scarce and flitting shadow, shrouded in secrecy and yet majestic in its appearance and mastery of the air. However, in medieval times it was found throughout these islands and such was its renown and closeness to humans, that it found its way into the literature and culture of the times, not only in the countryside, but in towns too, where it became known as a hungry scavenger. Chaucer referred to it in his Knight's Tale (c1390): `We stryve as did the houndes for the boon, They foughte al day, and yet hir part was noon; There cam a kyte, whyl that they were wrothe, And bar away the boon betwixe them bothe.' Shakespeare (A Winter's Tale, c1610) was clearly aware of the kite's habit of adorning its nest with frilly material (including underwear!): `When a kite builds, look to lesser linen.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I already knew about the Shakespeare, but not the Chaucer. But the thing is .... I've also read that it is not at all clear which species of kite they had in London in Shakespeare's time. Or Chaucer's , for that matter. There seem to be no proper descriptions, and unfortunately they didn't have cameras, binoculars, telescopes etc back then. I strongly suspect that had anyone got such things, they would have been accused as witches/sorcerers and promptly burnt alive. As far as I'm aware, that lack of i/d hasn't changed... but up there it plainly states that they were Red Kites. I wonder where they got their information from ? Or are they just assuming that they are reds because they're the ones we have now ? I suspect so. Have any of you out there in the real world got any idea about all that? I know... I'm letting you all down by being, er ,serious, today .... I can be serious sometimes. Here's Roy Harper ... with the lovely " Goodbye." It's a pity there's so little of his stuff on the net. |
AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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