I was going to ask you a quite tricky question about "showing-off" in the bird world. Scientists come up with all sorts of complex, crammed-with-long-word explanations of bird behaviour, when often they're just "showing off. "! It was all triggered by this picture ... quite a thing, don't you think. But maybe it was faked. Probably by "fakers" showing off their faking skills. Back to normal .... Those " Christmas Quiz Questions" were all getting a bit long. Going on a bit, piling up huge paragraphs of things, rambling on, with all sorts of diversions and silly sidelines .... but this one, readers, is shorter than short. Not only that, but I thought of it. Me. I'm an inquisitive old Hector. GET READY OK then .. If you lined up the whole UK bird list in alphabetical order .... which bird would be first ? and ... which bird would be last ?? We had a smouldering (and searing) talk about that at G. Stumps. It was almost soul-searching at times. And I think I got them right. Me. Yes. There you go ... that's it ........... find the key to your brain that you keep at the back of the drinks cupboard, and wind it up carefully, not forgetting to put the key back . By the way, if you put " alphabetical order" in alphabetical order, it would be .. aaabcehillpt deorr So ... what music goes with that then ? Here's one ... Here's a rather odd French one .. The Welsh alphabet videos are all rubbish ...so I've picked the most disastrous one, for a laugh .... and, it's not even a song ..... but it does have "examples" .... "esiamplau" .... huh ...call that a "Welsh" word ? Actually that isn't the most disastrous one .... there is truly shambolic one ....but it's too shambolic .... not funny. This is the "answer" to a puzzle I have written in the future. When Mary ran across our new orchard in such a hasty manner, we all wondered why she did so; but her cousin Victor rapped her knuckles, for which Dick cudgelled him soundly. " Stop!" cried Jane. "How can you? Of all ugly fellows, I declare you are the worst !" " I call this a lark," Ralph exclaimed, laughing heartily. " You would not laugh if you had had such a blow or rap!" said Mary, with the tears in her eyes. " Can't you see that I weep?" " Never mind," interrupted Ellen, archly. " Let us all kiss and be friends."
0 Comments
Here's another of the Christmas cards I got ... I don't like the look of him for a start. At least it added heron to my 2018CCBL ... Christmas Card Bird List. Not that it's got owt to do with today's thing ..... by the way, don't you think that heron looks a bit, er, biggish ? The more I look at it, the bigger it gets..... You can think of this as the next chunk of The Seemingly Endless Infinite Xmas Quiz ... if by this time you are actually capable of coherent thought. It's dead simple this one ... here's 20 birds .... But ... one little blighter is not actually a bird ... it's a fake. A downright, hornswoggling , honest-to-goodness fake. Created (I like the sound of that) by devious me ! And your task is to sort out which one it is. I was very tempted to list them in order of preposterousness ! Maybe I have ~ here they are .... [a] Striped Wood-Haunter [b] Sharp-tailed Streamcreeper [c] Apostle-Bird [d] Anomalous Bishop [e] Violet-Eared Cordon-Bleu [f] Equivocal Babbler [g] Bare-Faced Go-Away Bird [h] Stitchbird [i] Mao [j] Rusty-Breasted Nunlet [k] Shiny-Thighed Scrub Pootoo [l] Grey Treepie [m] Glowing Puffleg [n] Princely Kingfisher [o] Starchy [p] Uniform Crake [q] Snowcap [r] Empress Brilliant [s] Leaf-love [t] Happy Wren Don't you just wish you had seen some of those ? I know I do. Anyway, your side of the bargain is to find the Sneaky-Arsed Dodgy-Bird. The one that I invented for you to find. And when you've worked it out, toi et moi will be the only beings in the entire universe who know which it is. Coo ! R'Arglwyd ! Jings !! ..and to all my readers, or maybe I should say,both of them, have a brilliant New Year both birdingwise and otherwise. May the Glowing Puffleg illuminate your year, and the Anomalous Bishop bless your household. I thank you all !!
There I was, compiling my usual " Christmas List" ... [1] Fieldfare [2] Robin [3] Dove sp. [4] Wren [5] Domestic goose [6] Blue Tit [7] Heron Yes, I'm sure you've realised what sort of a list that is .... It's "birds on my Christmas cards " ..... in " arrival order." Gripping.... but then, my list went a bit mad when I got this card from, who else ? the famous, talented, generous and mysterious "Mr. G." "Mysterious ?" you ask . Oh yes. You can, if you like "that sort of thing", read all about him here .... 60-birding-eccentrics-1-mr-g.html I think he gets into all those scrapes to increase his "air of mystery" you know. Anyway, here's "that card" that threw my Christmas Card Bird List into turmoil !! Well ! A bit of a stinker or what ? Colourful, certainly. Diverse ... yes. But, "valued" "readers", I bet you can "get" "some" of "them" "sorted out". So ...have a go ....... I know I have. Think of it as part of my wonderful and amazing Christmas Cavalcade of Crap. Right then .... music. I've been waiting for a clear night .... so I can see Tous des Stars .... (!?) .... Parce qu'on est tous seulement des hommes On pense que la vie est trop conne Parce qu'on ne sait plus la regarder On ne sait plus se regarder On pense que la vie ne sera bonne Que si l'on passe à la télé c'est pas si dur à réaliser Parce qu'on tous des stars Parce qu'on est tous des stars Sans télé sans miroir Parce qu'on va tout casser Parce qu'on est tous des stars Un jour où l'autre On abandonne Le simple fait d'être des hommes Toujours chercher à chercher ailleurs Parce qu'on est tous des stars Sans télé sans miroir Parce qu'on est tous des stars parce qu'on va tout casser C'est bien le mieux que l'on puisse faire Etre des hommes de tout son coeur juste essayer, juste essayer parce qu'on est tous des stars Woo ! As my regular/frequent readers know, I've not been able to get into weebly on my computer ever since " that boy" updated McAfee and also installed Firefox. Well ...this morning I sorted it out !!!!!!!!! It was all Firefox's fault. So Firefox has been booted out, and all, as a far as I can tell, is Hunky Dory again. I can put pictures on here now. And because I can, I will ........ ( that handy phrase explains 73% of male behaviour). The extended version is ... " men will do whatever they think they will get away with." It's a bit dystopian, but by and large, true. Remember all those birds I showed you that have birds inside them ? I even wrote a "poem" with lots of them in. Here it is .... it was on post 286 .... In each and every Cormorant, a Coot is locked inside And a Rhea's inside the Lady Amherst's Pheasant. Each Ashy-Headed Wagtail hosts a Shag, you'll be surprised, And an Owl inside a Yellow Wagtail's sure to be unpleasant ! Meanwhile, each Booted Warbler is fostering a Teal You hardly would believe it, but it's easy to conceal. And the Black-Winged Pratincole hosts an unexpected Kite And the hidden Rail in the Bar-Tailed Lark must be a shocking sight. That Cormorant above, you'll be amazed to hear Also hosts a Moa, her innards must be queer. And Serins can be found inside of all Siberian Thrushes Who, when photographers gather round, must wonder what the fuss is. Yellow-Browed and Yellow-Breasted Buntings , as it goes, Being so very much alike from heads to toes, Have got a tiny Wren concealed inside 'em ... They share their ghosts, and know just how to hide 'em Athene noctua ,the Little Owl, Has a hen within , a tiny little soul, And Aquatic Warblers, they contain a Quail An elusive bird, which barely has a tail. I hope this arcane knowledge has impressed If not, at least I know I've done my best. White-winged Black Tern will end our little list But you must find what's in it, I insist ! How excellent ! I sort of hope that I discovered the idea. Well .... after finding loads of birdsinsidebirds, I turned my spotlight to other things inside birds. I've found some that have entirely an different set of organisms inside them. Oh yes. And your " Christmas Quiz Challenge for today is to find out what they are. I've been very helpful and put some easy ones first. Two of them are ridiculously easy ! I'm a generous old Hector. Lucky you ! CORNCRAKE ALPINE SWIFT FIRECREST YELLOWHAMMER ANDALUSIAN HEMIPODE BUFF-BREASTED SANDPIPER SPUR-WINGED PLOVER GRASSHOPPER WARBLER GREAT NORTHERN DIVER Just because I can, I'm going to put another picture on here .... fair do's though, there's some birds in it..... quite a few ..... a bit on the small side though ... So ... I made some Changes, and all seems to be Hunky Dory .... This is quite a tricky one .... but you're going to get a few hints, and it does have an implicit air of mystery about it .... which is right and proper. I still can't "do" any pictures by the way, and I can only get into here on the blasted mac. ..anyway, let's get going .. .... Here a list of 5 birdwatching books, and also 5 "unusual" characters .. .. one of which appears in each book. I'm going to list them side by side, but the pairings are jumbled up ..aha ! However, I am going to show you the page number where they appear. SHIRTLESS TIM The Birdman Abroad p92 et seq JUMPING JOHN BIRDERS Tales of a Tribe p79 R How to be a bad birdwatcher p135 A.J. SMALL-HEADED FLYCATCHER p 126 onwards Mrs "Grunge" Davison The Big Bird Race p135 There you go ! 5 excellent books that should be on everyone's shelves. And 5 "people" who should be embedded in everyone's heads. And if you know a couple of them , there's only 6 possible combinations left. In other news .... yesterday my car started acting up, and today lots of nasty red symbols have appeared on the laser display screen. Including the red car with a spanner sticking up out of the roof. Not good. This has dumped my birding activities in't bin. It's got to go to the Car Hospital in't morning. Bah. But now, talking, as I was, about the morning, here's K & A McGarrigle and the lovely " Ce Matin" ... The cormorant flies A bright flash dazzles into the sky-world above a hummingbird is floating to eternity. through the fervid air. Wren: a bundle of poking and pestering in each nook and crevice. Haiku can "do" all sorts of things... that "cormorant" one is a sort of "universal statement", the hummingbird one as a "frozen moment", and the "wren" one is just about getting on with things ! Here's a few examples to set you on the right track... Composing haiku can be as deep or shallow as you like. Whichever end of that spectrum you prefer, it's fascinating and fun. And birds make an excellent and vast theme for you to tackle. Plus ... being a creator is good for you. The world is a little bit different, thanks to you. So, think of " haiku-making" as a Christmas Challenge. And, if you want to, you could send them in. And I could make a sort of gallery of them. There's the "comment" thing. Or there's the email thing. [email protected] And, by the way, lots of "haiku" you see on't net etc don't obey the rules. It's not as if they're difficult to understand..... here's my take on them.. This is a haiku it gets it exactly right five seven and five. This is a wrong haiku it makes a right bog-up of it six, eight, three ! You won't get a better explanation than that. Right .. off you go then ! Plus ... if you chuck out all those BIG poetry books, and replace them with the obviously much much smaller haiku books, it makes the room look much bigger ! As you can see, I've managed to stick something on here, but I can only do it on the mac .... and this is just text and a video. I've no idea how to get pictures. And I've prepared the next Christmas Challenge as text-only. I'm a wily old Hector. That's Bangor Pier that is ! Hyfryd ! It's just underneath that Gwylan sp. Yesterday's puzzle was quite long-winded ...this is terser .... much terser, if terser is a word at all. Dere ymlaen, pobl ..... Here's some of those Lovely Latin Names ... of birds, of course.. Anas discors Emberiza citrinella Passerina cyanea Phoenicurus phoenicurus Picus viridis Vermivora celata They're in alphabetical order, for no particular reason. [1] Can you work out what order should they be in ? ( of course you can.) [2] There's one missing though .... where should it be ? (you know that .) [3] Can you find one to fit into that missing slot ? ( I did, so so can you .) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well, that wasn't too bad. I hope. And I'm sure you won't need me to tell you the answers. So ...straight to the music then ......TRWBZ "Enfys yn y nos" ... and if you need a tiny clue, it's coming up after this trail of dots
. . . . . . . . . enfys FOOTNOTE ... On an entirely different matter ... I couldn't get in to weebly for ages this morning ... it accepted my password etc, but then nothing happened ... it just sat there like a pudding ! I couldn't put anything on.... or edit it ... I couldn't even see it. And when I looked at the site as an outsider, all the text was ordinary ...not in bold as I generally do it. all very odd. As if I didn't exist. Hey ... I'm getting old ...maybe ,er, I'm dead !! Cripes. If so, then so far, It's not too bad. mind you, it has let me back on it on now. But who knows what might happen next time ?Watch this space. I think it's prob got to do with my son, who is visiting at "the festive season" has updated the @security system@ on my computer and it hasn't been right since. I think it had got so secure now, it isn't even letting me in. Me !! But why would it have got rid of bold type on all my blogs, leaving it all weedy and faint ? ( I don't know.) TOENOTE ( I assume that's what you call the ting after a footnote) Next day .... . still can't get on here on my computer, but after a lot of mucking about I've got in using the mac. But .... all the stuff I've been preparing, quizzes and suchlike, and all the lovely pictures I've been stacking up are not stored on the mac so I'm a bit stuffed ! Well, so far I've only done piddling little questions ..... now we come to non-piddling ones. So... let's have a "real" question .... A few days ago I was stuck behind a car for about 10 minutes .... and so I did a bit of "ghostbirding" . His number plate had WWW as its last bit ...a nice juicy sequence ... with a nice easy solution. WWW is the "ghost" of ........ Willow Warbler ( ..it's what's left after all the other letters have blown away .) So I wondered as I sat there, what about all the other " same-letter sequences" like AAA and NNN etc. Can you find UK birds to fit them too ? Obviously some are going to be a dead loss, like XXX .... and III isn't allowed. But what about EEE, that's an easy-peasy one ..... have a think while this picture gets in the way of my answer.... well, answers actually ... EEE is the "ghost" of Great Spotted Woodpecker ! Actually, as you can see, there's 4 of them !! Woo !!!! Red-backed Shrike works as well !! I bet you could find lots more if you tried. But ...here's the Big Quiz Question .... how many of those "same-three-letter" sequences can you find a UK-list bird for .... AAA, BBB, CCC etc. It'll give you something to do after you've opened all your presents. ..... and drunk too much. ..... and fallen asleep during the queen's speech.... ...... and woken up to find everyone's gone for a walk. ...... and for some reason, this is playing on the retro record player you've got for Christmas ..... Je m'enfuis
Rien ne peut gâcher mon bonheur J'ai envie Encore une heure D'essayer d'oublie les heurts Je sens la vie Tout doucement quitter mes veines C'est ainsi Gardez vos fleurs Juste en avance de quelques leurres Peu m'importe les raisons Peu m'importe le poids de vos larmes Je vous précède de quelques drames Je voudrais juste Partir seule Je m'enfuis Brûler les fardeaux qu'il me reste C'est ici que l'on se presse Partagez l'amour que je laisse Vous effacez les erreurs Gommez les instants qui vous gênent Je vous laisse, emblissez-moi Mais laissez moi juste Partir seule... This "poem" was partly inspired when I read the list of "eight different sorts of birders" arranged in hierarchical order in Mark Cocker's excellent book " Birders" .... and some of you of older years might come up with another major influence too .... have a think about it .... consider it an early part of the " Mini-Birding Christmas Quiz" .... I want to die in the way a Robin-stroker ought to whilst making some repairs to my home-made Blue Tit box .. and falling off the ladder that I've propped against the lean-to A worthy way, I think, to pop your clogs. I hope to have a dude's death, it's completely up my street, by falling off a cliff whilst Puffin- spotting. As I bounce from rock to boulder, I'll think, how very sweet, that I'll be feeding all those sea-birds whilst I'm rotting ! All us top-rank twitchers, we'd like to kick the bucket tearing down the motorway, at 80 ,90, faster, So, with my mates all in the back, hoping we will tick it I'll crash the car into a bridge, and of our fate I'll be the master ! Maybe I should meet my end the way us birders should Doing something "conservationist" and consequently "good" so I'll make a papier-maché box and then get buried in it then it and I will slowly rot, which will maybe "Save the Planet." [ A worthy cause, you must admit I'd love to contribute to it But maybe not that drastically I might just give "them" 50p ] As an avid birdwatcher I'd really love to die lying in a field whilst logging migrants flying by, and then from out of nowhere, a tractor would squash me flat and in 10 seconds I'd expire, and I hope that would be that.. Now bird-watchers, well, they all have their very special way of taking leave of this sorry world .... on a soggy survey day they'll get swallow-ed up in squelching mud, and step off this mortal coil, and if you're lucky, you will too, which helps fertilise the soil. The Ornithologist has ways most logical, off his perch to fall, these days they're hardly relevant, they ain't no use at all to birders, twitchers, robin-strokers, all the others too... one "breathed his last" last week, inhaling fumes from gannet poo ! ( that's a "scientific" way to go for your normal ornithologist, it was probably at the top of his "bio-logical" ways to perish list ! ) As a lifelong Scientist I feel that I should croak in some way that's appropriate, and fitting, and bespoke and logical and numerical, not as do "other" folk, so I think I'll eat my slide rule, and consequently, choke. ( there's another scientific way.... eating lots of graphs and charts, so I'd expire 3 hours later from my exponential farts !) ( All that peculiar figure-stick munching gives a new meaning to "number-crunching !) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hope you liked that little verse Despite its morbid topic and you might "me" reimburse with something telescopic ! My current scope's too heavy so I'd really like a light one I can't afford one now because my income is a shite one !! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As always, I thank you .. ..and as for music, here's a lovely song... and appropriate as well .... The Be Good Tanyas ... " Waiting around to die " live at the Railway Club !! Sometimes I don't know where This dirty road is taking me Sometimes I can't even see the reason why I guess I keep a-gamblin' Lots of booze and lots of ramblin' It's easier than just waitin' around to die One time, friends, I had a ma I even had a pa He beat her with a belt once 'cause she cried She told him to take care of me Headed down to Tennessee It's easier than just waitin' around to die I came of age and I found a girl In a Tuscaloosa bar She cleaned me out and hit in on the sly I tried to kill the pain, bought some wine And hopped a train Seemed easier than just waitin' around to die A friend said he knew Where some easy money was We robbed a man, and brother did we fly The posse caught up with me And drug me back to Muskogee It's two long years I've been waitin' around to die Now I'm out of prison I got me a friend at last He don't drink or steal or cheat or lie His name's Codine He's the nicest thing I've seen Together we're gonna wait around and die Together we're gonna wait around and die ........... and as for the "other" inspiration for the poem, here's Roger McGough's one ... Let Me Die A Youngman's Death - Roger McGough
Let me die a youngman's death not a clean and inbetween the sheets holywater death not a famous-last-words peaceful out of breath death When I'm 73 and in constant good tumour may I be mown down at dawn by a bright red sports car on my way home from an allnight party Or when I'm 91 with silver hair and sitting in a barber's chair may rival gangsers with hamfisted tommyguns burst in and give me a short back and insides Or when I'm 104 and banned from the Cavern may my mistress catching me in bed with her daughter and fearing for her son cut me up into little pieces and throw away every piece but one Let me die a youngman's death not a free from sin tiptoe in candle wax and waning death not a curtains drawn by angels borne 'what a nice way to go' death Amazingly, he's also ,in later life, written the "opposite" to that poem ... well well ... Not for Me a Youngman's Death By Roger McGough Not for me a youngman's death Not a car crash, whiplash John Doe, DOA at A&E kind of death. Not a gun in hand, in a far off land IED at the roadside death Not a slow-fade, razor blade bloodbath in the bath, death. Jump under a train, Kurt Cobain bullet in the brain, death Not a horse-riding paragliding mountain climbing fall, death. Motorcycle into an old stone wall you know the kind of death, death My nights are rarely unruly. My days of allnight parties are over, well and truly. No mistresses no red sports cars no shady deals no gangland bars no drugs no fags no rock'n'roll Time alone has taken its toll Not for me a youngman's death Not a domestic brawl, blood in the hall knife in the chest, death. Not a drunken binge, dirty syringe "What a waste of a life" death. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Crumbs ... well done Roger !! That's a letter I came across from BB March 1994 ...... you get the impression he's trying to make a point ! Yes. And .. what do you make of that mysterious last sentence ? So, dear reader, had you been the editor at the time, and you felt that the letter needed " editorial comment" what would you have written ? To put it another way, what "line" would you have taken. I certainly know what I would have written anyway .... so have a think about it. The thing is, I'm going to show you what the editor actually wrote, after that music thing I sometimes put on here ..... how exciting !! I haven't actually seen the pictures in question, because I can't find BB86 .... well, I haven't found it yet anyhow. If/when I do find them I'll bung them on here too. If you're one of those organised types who has them all in order, you could photograph said pictures and send them to disorganised me at [email protected] . Right then ... music ... this song isn't really relevant at all, I just thought it would be good .... it's full-on joyous stuff ! Not a phrase I use a lot. And remember .. you're going to pretend you're the BB editor after listening to this ... and BEFORE you look at what the real editor had to say. Dis-moi ce que tu veux p'tit con, Je devine toutes tes intentions Dis-moi ce que tu veux faire p'tit con, Je me fous du "qu'en dira-t-on" Le soleil coule à flots Et ma raison coule T'es beau Dis-moi ce que tu veux faire Mais fais de ton mieux pour me plaire Même s'il y a un peu de boulot Mais t'es beau, t'es beau T'es con Le soleil coule à flots Et tes doigts me saoulent, t'es beau, Dis moi ce que tu veux faire De ton mieux pour me plaire Le soleil coule T'es beau Mais t'es beau T'es beau, t'es con Mais t'es beau T'es beau, t'es con Mais t'es beau T'es beau, t'es con OK ... here's the Editor's response .... I wonder how similar it was to yours ? Well, I know what I think !
And I suspect some of you think it too. |
AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
|