I'm a bit glum about the probably very long lock-in we're all going to have to put up with .... so I'm dragging some of my funny ( I hope) stuff up from the past and giving it a second airing..... Here's one of my ancient posts where I "imagined" Eric Hardy's style ... he was a legend in his own life-time ... and now you'll see why if you haven't read them before .... this one was originally on post 179, which now seems like millions of years ago ...... here we go then ... brace yourselves, and don't expect any full stops ... off you go Eric .... let-em have it ! I'm writing this from a municipal Birkenhead bus shelter in the pouring rain, that's how I like it, lots of posh cars are shooting by, and I wave my stick at every one of the capitalist thugs, and having spent the whole of the weekend roaming the Mersey Marshes, I've got plenty to report, so, fearlessly I started out from Heswall Bank at 3am on Saturday, getting my first moth on a shop window pane, a fine Mottled Condom, not at all common in these parts due to draining of their habitat ( discarded dustbins) by right-wing factions, and there were plenty more in the next couple of hours, the highlights being 3 Crumbled Hassocks, a single Dishevelled Monastery , 27 Old Fartingales and an outstanding but tiny Crepuscular Halfscarf of the rare variety " crustipants" , well, this would have been enough for the whole day, but there was plenty more to come, all missed of course by the lazy, fattened-calf-scoffing plutocrats snoring in their criminally-obtained eiderdown luxury dossbags, propped up by gold and silver bedsteads specially reinforced to hold the disgusting mass slumped upon them, and even before dawn I was constantly regaled by the calls of the Resplendent Bosh-Owl and, of course, the Prannet, only rarely seen nowadays due to the racketeer farming "community" trashing the landscape, whilst also pleased with the sheer numbers of Bog Sparrows, unique to Birkenhead and its environs, which nest in outside toilets, mainly to avoid having their eggs stolen by rich bastards with indoor toilets, which will be the ruin of the next generation , who will inevitably be in the thrall of consumerism, and will never appreciate the sort of wildlife I was experiencing right then, such as huge banks of Mild Sludgeroot, Evergreen Nevergreen, Three-Petalled Murgatroyd, Swigglers Posyflower and the extremely unusual 27-leaved Clover, by which time the sun was over the horizon revealing revelations like a swarm of 43 Pratt's Cathartics, only the 307th I've ever seen, a flock of 344 Solitary-Birds on the sea wall, or what's left of it due to tidal surges caused not least by the fat-cat industrial giants pouring chemicals into our oceans, not forgetting fungi such as Dog's Arsebox ( with 2 fruiting bodies!), Ruby-Crusted Halfstagger and its close relative Rudely-Breasted Thricetwice, Dribbler's Architripe, Fumerolic Scrad and, rarest of all, the amazingly dull Grey-Flanged Palebum, all under threat from "academics" in their ivory towers who want them all lumped into one "superspecies" just so they can write pompous research papers about it and add to all the jumped up letters after their double-barrelled names, and then it was time for my politically correct breakfast of dustbin-crusts washed down with gutter-water and the dregs left in discarded bottles and cans , which, by the way, turned out to be a source of further interesting finds including the rare, beer-swilling millipede Firkinn's Unremarkable , an unusual- for- Wirral slug, Frangularia graspercraps and best of all, the Temporary Scribble, which only lives for 17 minutes and is mainly seen as a fossil in northern climes, but then it was time to move on to the University of Birkenhead to have a quick go at Professor Hartley Bigwig and let him know how overprivileged he was and that I know that his PhD thesis was copied out of a special secret book for toffs which is full of PhD theses that they can copy out, but he wasn't in, probably because he was at a swanky lunch with lots of other jumped-up copycats like him, so I spent a little while looking for rotifers in the nearby Dregsley Park, shortly to be demolished to make way for a new Stately Home for Viscount Crabbface and his snooty pals, but I was lucky to come across such specimens as Terpsicursus replicans, Ultracumbria vertiginensis and best of all, the extremely unusual Unspeckled Grummage, one of the few rotifers to be given an English name, and which has only been seen once before but unfortunately was quickly consumed by a most unexpected Harpy's Upjerkin, which was well outside its normal range in Scabshire, where I have spent many productive hours dredging the extensive canal system looking for its 87 species of Lamprey, so far totally unknown to science, but predicted by me in the Liverpool Echo 37 years ago but totally ignored by the usual blinkered fossils with posh connections in the Science Museum where I first noticed a most unusual specimen of the Dubious Mattress overlooked by the doddering old fools whom I have denounced for many years ........... ( at this point the tape ran out, so we won't ever find out about the rest of the day ... what a shame, and just as he was getting into his stride as well. ) I you liked that.... here's some more of his/my recent stuff respectfully parodying his style ... well, the links to them anyway ... 481-elric-hardly.html This one is all about him ...... lots of praise and respect for all that he did, and about his amazing radio broadcasts/rants (!) and a clip from one of them.... 582-more-about-eric-hardy.html I can't imagine what would be suitable music to go with that .... oh ...yes I can .. Old man, take a look at my life, I'm a lot like you were ... Old man look at my life, I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life, I'm a lot like you were. Old man look at my life, Twenty four and there's so much more Live alone in a paradise That makes me think of two. Love lost, such a cost, Give me things that don't get lost. Like a coin that won't get tossed.... Rolling home to you. Old man take a look at my life I'm a lot like you I need someone to love me the whole day through Ah, one look in my eyes and you can tell that's true. Lullabies, look in your eyes, Run around the same old town. Doesn't mean that much to me To mean that much to you. I've been first and last Look at how the time goes past. But I'm all alone at last. Rolling home to you. Old man take a look at my life I'm a lot like you I need someone to love me the whole day through Ah, one look in my eyes and you can tell that's true. Old man look at my life, I'm a lot like you were. Old man look at my life, I'm a lot like you were.
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AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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