Yes, long-suffering readers all, it's That Time Again when I reach yet another 100 posts-worth of Bird-Related-Whimsy ... some of which has had various bits of poetry/Verse/Doggerel in it. And here it all is, in all its Tattered Terribleness.... Aha ! this first bit has a picture to go with it as well ... it's from Post 623 ish, all about a lovely Hunkin book, and what an excellent new and pioneering Field Guide he could create for us ..... I reckon that ALL Field Guides should be like that ... Imagine how he would show us all the subtleties of vagrant Wheatears ! Just think about all those Stints/Wagtails/Pipits/Waders etc that are just crying out to be Hunkinned ... bring it on, say I. Hey- up ... I feel a "poem" coming on I hope it won't be o v e r - l o n g POEM IN PRAISE OF HUNKIN And as for Jizz He'd be a Whizz with Feather Tracts he'd make the facts PiCtOriaL not dull at all. And Sub Species he'd draw with Ease Separating Those from These Despite them being far too similar Which many of the beggars are... as well as being far too small and hardly visible at all. And bringing in new ID points Like the angles of the joints between the various leggy bits he even sells Protractor Kits which you can fasten to your scope Using the Right Length of Rope, and then the Intertarsal Angles will settle all your ID tangles in a jiff, without those whiffs of dispute, fights or fusticiffs Which cast a blight on every outing And lead to harglyments and showting. So, Mr. Hunkin, please write and draw This New Approach we all yearn for We know that you're the man to do it And then we'll all rush out and buy it ! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This next one is a bit odd... but you'll soon sort it out .... it's from post 628 wh ot y sn ow kn h he et yy ll ca ti e ta cs ge in ng si ir m ra me um u ts n ra ib ev s th gh ou hr tt gh li sf ke ta rk la ky as t. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This one is from #640 ..... it's all about the trials and tribulations of doing a bird count ... and the amazingly fascinating graphs I made as well ... I've been counting Common Gulls again it's not a lot of fun the weather's awful, gales and rain and not a glimpse of sun but someone has to do it and currently its ME so I take my "better" jacket and a dinky flask of tea and extra gloves and three spare hats and various costly optics and a dinky-winky camera in case I take some pics so here's the current plot it's quite a gripping sight there's lots of things to spot though some might say it's shite well, that's one point of view and I've tried to do my best to present to all of you this sort of palimpsest ! If you want to see said graphs etc, here they are ... 640-more-exciting-graphs.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This one's from 647 ..... it's all about The Flat Controller, who is a lovely bloke but his driving is terrible .... and he's pretty awful as a passenger as well ...
I was stonkled and terrifried when his Top Friend, " The King of Bryher", told me he had got a lift in The Flat Controller's car the other day When you're young, you have this strange and irrational feeling of immortality. I told you he was very flat. (and he's actually flatter than that) That's why he can't wear a hat And certainly not a cravat. His flatness is famous worldwide Especially when viewed from the side He's only a fingernail wide For him 'tis quite easy to hide. Despite being amazingly thin He weighs about 400 lbs Considering the state he's in it's amazing he's not underground. And beware if he asks for a lift his "short cuts" must be firmly dismissed he'll bust your suspension offer NO compensation and you'll be incredibly miffed. It's even worse when he is driving you've a minuscule chance of surviving ... He rubs his eyes and picks his nose and wipes the snot all down his clothes. He scrapes the windscreen with his sleeves From lane to lane he ducks and weaves And yells and shouts at other drivers and calls them layabouts and skivers but because he's as thin as he is they can't see him, he's almost invis ! They're baffled, bemused and completely confused so "off" he is able to "whizz" and leaves them all for dust as all such drivers must. So ...never get into his car or let him into your's you'll not get very far before he starts to snore which can be quite surprising especially when he's doing the driving. Seriously folks .... apart from all that, his gravitational pull can have a serious effect on your attempts to get away from his famously unpopular bird mortuary. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This one's from post 676 ..... On First Looking into Stodgy's Bryher Much have I trampled though the sludge and shit And many soggy bogs and slag-heaps seen; Round many eastern islands have I been, Which bores and bigheads oft indeed inhabit. Oft of one "wide expanse" have I been told The "Flat Controller" was, I'm sure, his name Yet never could I stand his sheer disdain Till Old Oddie cursed him loud and bold : Then felt I like some watcher of the skies, When a new species flies into my ken ; Or like stout Oddie who, with trusty pen His BBRC description deftly scribes. Then came together all the birding tribes - Silent, upon the tip of Innisidgen ! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well, dear readers both, I'm sure you will have spotted that the "poem" up there was really my pale and humble shadow/parody of ..... “On First Looking into Chapman’s Homer” By John Keats (1795–1821) MUCH have I travelled in the realms of gold, And many goodly states and kingdoms seen; Round many western islands have I been, Which bards in fealty to Apollo hold. Oft of one wide expanse had I been told That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne; Yet did I never breathe its pure serene Till I heard Chapman speak out loud and bold: Then felt I like some watcher of the skies, When a new planet swims into his ken; Or like stout Cortes when with eagle eyes He stared at the Pacific—and all his men Looked at each other with a wild surmise-- Silent, upon a peak in Darien. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This last one was written especially to put on here, 27/11/2019 ..... It's another of those E.J Thribb-style obituaries ..... SO ! Farewell then Jonathan Miller We spoke together once, half a century ago. And more. Into the big hall I ambled, and there you were W a i t i n g. You were the Speaker. But nobody came ... but me. He would not have forgotten me, my hair down to my elbows. His only audience a ginger freak. We talked about semiotics but that was only the ha- -lf of it. Antibiotics.. Cryogenics... Pyrotechnics.... Plate tectonics. Yes. He was a polymath if nothing else. 20 brief minutes went by and then we parted. And today he de-parted (presumably) Owl and all... for good. What has an owl got to do with it ? asked Keith's mum... Jonathan Wolfe Miller ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I thank you for your attention .
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AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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