There we were, The Significant Otter and me, out in the garden in the cold sunshine, when suddenly she asked me a tricky question...... " Have you rung up any of your birdwatching friends to see how they are getting on?" I knew straight away things were going to go downhill a bit ! The sensible thing to do would have been to say " Yes, of course dearest, and they're all absolutely fine." But, gormless me went for " The Truth" ... always a dangerous line to take in the battle of the sexes. " Er, no " said I, with a slight rising tone on the second word, implying that such a thing had not occurred to me, and never would. The Significant Otter looked at me in a severe and distinctly unimpressed manner. " Well", said she " don't you think it would be a nice thing to do ?" Seeing as I had never rung any of them up, and had no idea where most of them lived, and had no idea at all of any of their phone numbers, and don't even know most of their names even though I've known them for decades and have voyaged hundreds of miles with some of them over the years, I was bit stuck for a reply. And whizzing around in my head was this alien concept of " a nice thing to do." Luckily, a bit of distraction turned up in the shape of a male sparrowhawk circling over the garden. Time to think. " I'll think about it", was my clever ripost , "and anyway they've never rung me up either." " Well what about Mr. G " was her next line of attack ... "you've got his number." " Yes, but he hasn't rung me up, so I don't need to ring him up." I replied. They might , once every three years, ring me up about some local rarity, but they would NEVER ring up to ask me if I was " all right." ...and so it went on ..she's always ringing her friends up, and that's all fine and dandy. And she knows the names and occupations of everyone in our street, and all their kids and pets. But I reckon most men don't. Actually, it would be a bit creepy if they did. But with us males ... Hundreds of years could go by before that would happen. Not in a thousand years ! And I bet most of the people reading this are males as well. My daughter reads it sometimes ... but only to check that I'm having a bath occasionally, and am not covered in porridge. In my experience women are , by and large, kind, caring and sensible. And occasionally, men can be too. When it suits them. But ..what are the prisons full of .... men. Who are having all those fights outside pubs ... men. Who are all those burglars and thieves and murderers ? Who starts all those wars that are raging on and on all over the world ? MEN ! I rest my case. But hold on ! .... surely they have some uses ? Er .... ... and here's the " sing-along-with-Tom" version ...
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AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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