.. but not this one .... I hope you all remember what that is, and where it came from ... if not, simply zip back to the wonderful and rather odd 2nd post on this humungously burgeoning blog and take a look ... On one of Crump's far too frequent visits to his swanky Scottish golf course, Doh! nald (thinks he) spotted a rare bird ... and he's sent off his description of it to the British Birds Rarities Committee ( Beeby Arsy) ... and luckily for us, his account of his specimen has "leaked out" somehow or other into the public domain ! Oh dear ! Oh dear oh dear !! Y'all will have to imagine the fancy cresty thingy at the top of the letter ... FROM THE RESIDENTAL OFFICE OF THE PRECEDENT OF THE U S of A ...... OK, so you guys, wadda-y'know, I was up in your Snotland on my 3000 acre golf coarse and after getting to the 218th hole in a nifty 3 strokes I was feelin' good ! If you guys wanna take isshoo with that, that's your prablam guys, 'cos I can easy send my , let's call-em "segooridy" round to your house , so, look out huh ? Don't mess with the top guy ! That's me by the way ..... the Top Guy. Nobody Topper. Get that ? Nobody. There was this bird, a feathery sort of thing, that's how I knew, there's nothing I don't know,nothing at all, and my doctor, he'll back me up on that, or else. And don't forget, I've got the highest IQ in the world,741 it's all in riting, strate from my personal IQ expert, 741, maybe more, I don't want to boast, could be a lot more, a whole lot more, but that stoopid question about those 3 closed doors with a car and two goats behind them was stoopid, stoopid, and I told him right there to cross it out, or I'd bust his ass ! Now listen up. I'm telling you, this is the dope on that bird standing ( illegally) on MY golf course. Probably shittin' all over it too, the bastard. And I might just take that to the courts ... I never lose a case, never lost one, won 'em all, more of them than any other guy in the universe, so just think about that, you dumb-assed losers. So this bird ... big, white, and like I said, feathery. And after a few seconds while my bodyguards had a few pot-shots at it, it walked into one of my lakes, the bloody cheek of it ..... and started swimming about as if it bloody owned the place. And after a few more shots , it sank in a cowardly, sneaky, losers kinda way. So what have we got.. a big, lazy ,feathery bird, hey, I know a bird when I see one, and this one, well, I know what it was. I know all the birds. Every one,every single bird in the world, no-ones ever done it, just me, nobody's going to argue with that, and I'm not boasting, in fact I'm the humblest guy you'll ever meet, nobody humbler. Nobody. Get that ? I know what it was . I don't want, and don't need your piddling opinion. So you can just get on with this next bit...... So what I want, and read this very carefully guys, is a big, bright, fancy certificate, with my name at the top , in a gold frame, shipped over to The White House Pretty Damned Quick, because the Donald better get what he wants super-pronto, he always does, never fails, and with my IQ of 886 I don't need any crap from you mud-covered, flood swamped losers over the pond. And that's MY pond, all mine, nobody in the world has their own ocean, just me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well readers, I've dug up a suitable song ..... and here it is .. nothing to do, of course, with the subject of this post at all ... as usual.....
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
|