Here's a "leaked" STQC exam paper .... nowadays you can't just let any old riff-raff into this top organisation you know....and this will sort the Wheatear from the Chiffchaff, and no mistake ! The good news is, you only have to answer 5 of the 8 questions .... you choose ! [a] Describe three ways in which bird-watching is similar to trainspotting, and three ways in which it isn't. [b] Birds have "scientific names" as you no doubt know. Match up the first bit with the correct second bit .... Puffinus crex Crex vanellus Perdix troglodytes Troglodytes puffinus Vanellus perdix [c] My favourite bird is the .................................... [d] Here's some jumbled-up bird names.... please put them right ... [1 ] tonK ....................... [2] Wern ...................... [3] otCo ...................... [4] okoR ..................... [5] worC ..................... [e] Which one of these is top birder S. Vere Benson's nickname ? [a] Droopy-drawers [b] Fat-arse [c] Severe Benson [d] Donkey-face [e] Grumpy-guts [f] Here's 5 of the famous " Scilly Isles" ...which one has the fewest letters .. [a] Bryher [b] St. Martins [c] St. Agnes [d] Tresco [e] Gugh [g] Here's a list of several different types of bird- spotter. Which one is the best ? † Twitcher Bird-spotter Birder Dude Ornithologist Bird-watcher [h] If you move all the letters of STQC down 1 place in the alphabet, what do you get ? Now try moving the letters of STQC up one place. Write down your answers. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well, I hope you've made wise choices to ensure your entry into the UK's best bird-lover's , er, society. But don't worry too much, because everybody passes the exam anyway. We need those subscriptions to keep pouring in. That way, we can carry on with all our good works, such as giving work experience to hordes of remarkablyattractive,young, female interns and clapped-out old gaffers well past their sell-by date, not to mention safeguarding the "careers" of hundreds and hundreds of people who spend their whole time at their "terminals" persuading more people to buy over-priced peanut feeders. .. this, by the way, is the society's new recruiting song ...... ........ and very fine it is too ......
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AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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