Here in sunny Flintshire we have, as you know, the Flintshire Bird Club. It has a Committee, and a President, all that sort of thing. But the real " leader" in Flintshire birding is "The Flat Controller." He's a bit like that bloke up there ... minus the junk. He's not even in the FBC either ... but he's a sort of self-appointed boss. He doesn't actually know we call him that ... well, I don't think so. The reason why he's called that is his incredible thinness ! I bet he could easily slide under my wardrobe. I hope he doesn't though. On one famous occasion he entered the Weetabix Hide at Grumbling Stumps., famously named after the generally crumbly state of the walls and floor, and one of the planks was a bit, er, frail, and he went straight through its 4" width into the 5 feet of sludgy water below, and then stood there like an idiot as everyone laughed themselves sick ! Some of them were rolling around on the floor helpless with mirth. He's known all over the UK ..... if you go into a hide in, say, Norfolk, and they find out you're from Flintshire, they immediately ask "Do you know The Flat Controller ?" and then they tell you some strange thing he's done.... usually involving getting into their cars by squeezing through tiny gaps in the bodywork or very-slightly-open-windows ..... nobody really knows why .... he just can't resist it. I bet we'd do it too if we could. Just for the sake of doing it. Once he's got in, he often leaves a packet of biscuits or cakes and a few cans of Guinness perched on the dashboard .... it's an essential part of his thinning routine so you can't really blame him. He also has a habit of dragging people into his little private "reserve" ... and if they won't budge, he quickly slides inside their clothes and "runs them into the premises" and then slithers out of their clothes again, leaving his poor victim to make his/her own way home .... . assuming they will ever be able to find their way out. It's a neat trick, but having had it happen to me, I must say it is a bit startling. On the positive side, when he does these odd things, he always owns up and tells the truth about what happened .... now that's unusual and praiseworthy. If you have had any odd encounters with The Flat Controller,you could tell me all about them, and I could put them on here. And you might have really good things to say as well ... let's have them too. [email protected] Here's a Doors song which fits quite well .... this is a fine cover of " People are Strange" ......
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AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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