No, not that one ..... As you all know, I have quite a few "Rules of Life" that I have learned the hard way over the years ... all those "Rules of Management" for example. Then there's my famous " If I can think of it, people are doing it " And here's an example of it ... Every so often, the Grumbling Stumps lot used to do a " binoculars and telescope event" in the Gannet Hide ( so called, as you will no doubt remember, because it's where the punters have their dinners), where they would set out loads of optics on tables and people would try them out through the splendidly-placed hide windows. ( Don't confuse that with " Hide Widows" which is an entirely different but highly prevalent scourge of society.) Well, I came up with a brilliant idea. When there's loads of people milling about and testing all the optics, why not pick up a £700 pair of binoculars, sit in different places for 20 mins or so mingling with the punters, take them back, get another expensive pair, mill about a bit more, then discretely drop them out of the window into the water !! Why not indeed. Then you carry on milling about, you try a few more pairs of binoculars, maybe the odd scope or two, returning them to a different counter-person each time to muddy the water, and then quietly leave. And then you come back at night with your wellies on, and fish the £700 bins out of the water and go home. Of course, I never did such a thing ... I just thought it was a dodgy loophole in the system. But here's the thing ... having thought up this naughty idea, I was amazed to find on my next visit that they had stopped "doing" it in the hide any more .... oh no ...they were now doing it in the area around the visitor centre, with at least 3 sellers in attendance and with a much better view of what the punters were up to. And no water to drop them into. Well well ! Telepathy ? Accessing the Zeitgeist ? Tarot Cards ? Coincidence ? Or was it one of those rare outbreaks of Common Sense ? I've always thought that I should be employed by the police to think up new crimes so that they could do something about them before they happened. I've got a hefty list of them already. I mean...just look around folks ! Which gormless prat thought that it would be a good idea to let any halfwit/dungbrain/sociopath have access to drones, assault rifles, machetes ( sold in our local garden centre) ( truly),huge vats of acid .. the list goes on. Pocket Chess Sets are a big killer too .... kids are always sticking the rooks up their noses and suffocating. Why rooks ? Who knows. That's why I've got a huge collection of them ... at least 70 ... just to save those kiddies ! And now, coincidentally, which, coincidentally, means all your teeth falling out at the same time, is a beautiful song about falling into some water ... plus, you'll be able it sing along with it.... which will be Terrific For your German !
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AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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