This "poem" was partly inspired when I read the list of "eight different sorts of birders" arranged in hierarchical order in Mark Cocker's excellent book " Birders" .... and some of you of older years might come up with another major influence too .... have a think about it .... consider it an early part of the " Mini-Birding Christmas Quiz" .... I want to die in the way a Robin-stroker ought to whilst making some repairs to my home-made Blue Tit box .. and falling off the ladder that I've propped against the lean-to A worthy way, I think, to pop your clogs. I hope to have a dude's death, it's completely up my street, by falling off a cliff whilst Puffin- spotting. As I bounce from rock to boulder, I'll think, how very sweet, that I'll be feeding all those sea-birds whilst I'm rotting ! All us top-rank twitchers, we'd like to kick the bucket tearing down the motorway, at 80 ,90, faster, So, with my mates all in the back, hoping we will tick it I'll crash the car into a bridge, and of our fate I'll be the master ! Maybe I should meet my end the way us birders should Doing something "conservationist" and consequently "good" so I'll make a papier-maché box and then get buried in it then it and I will slowly rot, which will maybe "Save the Planet." [ A worthy cause, you must admit I'd love to contribute to it But maybe not that drastically I might just give "them" 50p ] As an avid birdwatcher I'd really love to die lying in a field whilst logging migrants flying by, and then from out of nowhere, a tractor would squash me flat and in 10 seconds I'd expire, and I hope that would be that.. Now bird-watchers, well, they all have their very special way of taking leave of this sorry world .... on a soggy survey day they'll get swallow-ed up in squelching mud, and step off this mortal coil, and if you're lucky, you will too, which helps fertilise the soil. The Ornithologist has ways most logical, off his perch to fall, these days they're hardly relevant, they ain't no use at all to birders, twitchers, robin-strokers, all the others too... one "breathed his last" last week, inhaling fumes from gannet poo ! ( that's a "scientific" way to go for your normal ornithologist, it was probably at the top of his "bio-logical" ways to perish list ! ) As a lifelong Scientist I feel that I should croak in some way that's appropriate, and fitting, and bespoke and logical and numerical, not as do "other" folk, so I think I'll eat my slide rule, and consequently, choke. ( there's another scientific way.... eating lots of graphs and charts, so I'd expire 3 hours later from my exponential farts !) ( All that peculiar figure-stick munching gives a new meaning to "number-crunching !) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hope you liked that little verse Despite its morbid topic and you might "me" reimburse with something telescopic ! My current scope's too heavy so I'd really like a light one I can't afford one now because my income is a shite one !! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As always, I thank you .. ..and as for music, here's a lovely song... and appropriate as well .... The Be Good Tanyas ... " Waiting around to die " live at the Railway Club !! Sometimes I don't know where This dirty road is taking me Sometimes I can't even see the reason why I guess I keep a-gamblin' Lots of booze and lots of ramblin' It's easier than just waitin' around to die One time, friends, I had a ma I even had a pa He beat her with a belt once 'cause she cried She told him to take care of me Headed down to Tennessee It's easier than just waitin' around to die I came of age and I found a girl In a Tuscaloosa bar She cleaned me out and hit in on the sly I tried to kill the pain, bought some wine And hopped a train Seemed easier than just waitin' around to die A friend said he knew Where some easy money was We robbed a man, and brother did we fly The posse caught up with me And drug me back to Muskogee It's two long years I've been waitin' around to die Now I'm out of prison I got me a friend at last He don't drink or steal or cheat or lie His name's Codine He's the nicest thing I've seen Together we're gonna wait around and die Together we're gonna wait around and die ........... and as for the "other" inspiration for the poem, here's Roger McGough's one ... Let Me Die A Youngman's Death - Roger McGough
Let me die a youngman's death not a clean and inbetween the sheets holywater death not a famous-last-words peaceful out of breath death When I'm 73 and in constant good tumour may I be mown down at dawn by a bright red sports car on my way home from an allnight party Or when I'm 91 with silver hair and sitting in a barber's chair may rival gangsers with hamfisted tommyguns burst in and give me a short back and insides Or when I'm 104 and banned from the Cavern may my mistress catching me in bed with her daughter and fearing for her son cut me up into little pieces and throw away every piece but one Let me die a youngman's death not a free from sin tiptoe in candle wax and waning death not a curtains drawn by angels borne 'what a nice way to go' death Amazingly, he's also ,in later life, written the "opposite" to that poem ... well well ... Not for Me a Youngman's Death By Roger McGough Not for me a youngman's death Not a car crash, whiplash John Doe, DOA at A&E kind of death. Not a gun in hand, in a far off land IED at the roadside death Not a slow-fade, razor blade bloodbath in the bath, death. Jump under a train, Kurt Cobain bullet in the brain, death Not a horse-riding paragliding mountain climbing fall, death. Motorcycle into an old stone wall you know the kind of death, death My nights are rarely unruly. My days of allnight parties are over, well and truly. No mistresses no red sports cars no shady deals no gangland bars no drugs no fags no rock'n'roll Time alone has taken its toll Not for me a youngman's death Not a domestic brawl, blood in the hall knife in the chest, death. Not a drunken binge, dirty syringe "What a waste of a life" death. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Crumbs ... well done Roger !!
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AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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