I think I can safely say that this ISN'T by Wavely Newt. He's been very quiet lately. Good lad ! I would imagine that he's found me to be stiff competition. Anyway, this is a truly gripping verse version of a Long-Ago Bit Of Bird-Spotting, or LABOBS to you, or not, as the case may be .... you'll see ..... We went to see a THRUSH It was really rather RARE We had to race and RUSH As we didn't quite know WHERE The stupid thing could BE So I got out the MAP And scanned it DESPERATELY But I was in a FLAP And I hadn't got a CLUE So we stopped and asked a MAN He was a birder TOO And he drew a sort of PLAN On a crappy bit of CARDBOARD With a lump of Gannet POO Then he walked off to STARBOARD Leaving us all thinking, WHO ? Could he possibly BE ? Maybe he's "Ticker" STEW Or Millington, or LEE ! That map just made things WORSE And we drove into a DITCH So we commandeered a HEARSE But we still did not know WHICH Would be the road to PICK As the plan was total CRAP And the suspension made us SICK So we stopped and had a NAP As all of us were KNACKERED Then we continued TERSELY And this time we went BACKWARD As it would only go REVERSLY But that was SERENDIPITOUS Because we found a straggly LINE Of twitchers, all quite CRAPULOUS But of the bird there was no SIGN It buggered off an hour AGO If only we'd not been so LATE We thought we should give it a GO And wait and wait and wait and WAIT It seemed like years as we waited and WAITED In the cold and wet and sludge and SLIME It's true to say our breath was BATED We could have been there till the end of TIME But at last, at last, I saw the BIRD It was miles away, the size of a FLEA Up the line, we spread the WORD And everyone was so happy to SEE Something that vaguely looked like a ZOOTHERA "Vaguely" isn't really a strong enough NAME For the way we'd ID'd it (by trial and ERROR) Any rational person would say it was LAME ..... Of course, it "had" to be the BIGGIE But we "knew" it didn't look the PART It was long, and slim, a bit like TWIGGY But us lot didn't give a FART We were all very quiet on the long drive BACK We stared out of the windows without a WORD That sighting was a load of CACK It was less like a tick, and more like a TURD So, what is the moral of this TALE ? Why is "that sort of thing" so COMMON ? Here's why ...it's the way of the adult MALE To be at the top, not down at the BOTTOM ! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ho-ho !! Oh dear ! ¡¡ Oh dear oh dear !! I thought this bit of music would have some sort of relevance ... Neil Young ..." Out on the weekend " 1971 !! Cripes ! Think I'll pack it in and buy a pick-up Take it down to L.A. Find a place to call my own and try to fix up. Start a brand new day. The woman I'm thinking of, she loved me all up But I'm so down today She's so fine, she's in my mind. I hear her callin'. See the lonely boy, out on the weekend Trying to make it pay. Can't relate to joy, he tries to speak and Can't begin to say. She got pictures on the wall, they make me look up From her big brass bed. Now I'm running down the road trying to stay up Somewhere in her head. The woman I'm thinking of, she loved me all up But I'm so down today She's so fine she's in my mind. I hear her callin'. See the lonely boy, out on the weekend Trying to make it pay. Can't relate to joy, he tries to speak and Can't begin to say.
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AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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