Yes ... you need to pay attention when you read this .... Whenever I'm around Grumbling Stumps STQC Reserve I eventually come across "The Trogs" ... a loose group of five birdwatchers who seem to spend most of their waking lives either sitting in hides for an eternity, or staggering around to the next one. You could, at a pinch, compare them to that lot from the TV .... the Last of the Summer Wine lot. We all call them the Trogs, though they don't know that. As in every group, one of them is an amiable but useless birder... you couldn't really rely on any of his identifications . However, he's really nice bloke,and well liked too ... mainly because he isn't any sort of rival and he makes the other four feel like experts. Win-win. We'll call him Jim. And here's the others ... Dan ..... the best birder in the group, and he's been to Scilly .. twice ! Ed ....... the joker of the group. He's been to Benidorm and seen a Red-Rumped Swallow.. maybe. Stan ... the quiet one. But he carries a bird book with him. Not done in top circles. Mac .... the Scottish one. A giant of a man too. I hope he's a gentle giant. So ...here's one of the many stories about them. The trogs had been on the reserve for an hour or so. They were still in the closest hide... nicknamed the Weetabix hide because it looked like one. And,like Weetabix, bits kept falling off it. And it's very permeable to water. Not a lot had been spotted, but Jim had ,sure enough, got them all wrong. As usual. The others never got at him though .. they had learned the important skill of putting things right tactfully and positively ..a rare skill for most birders. Anyway, they were used to it, and him. They got up eventually and moved on, and a slight drizzle started up. Jim took his hat out and put in on, and the others followed suit. . Hang on a minute, he said, isn't that a Cetti's Warbler singing in the distance ? The other hardly bothered to turn their heads, but then they heard it too. Hang on ...Jim had got something right ! Cripes !! They didn't say anything though. Every dog has his day. They got to the Gannet hide next. It's called that because that's the one where people tend to eat their dinners. There was quite a bit of ordinary stuff around, but then Jim piped up again. "That's a Green-winged Teal", he said, with an odd air of confidence ! They all swivelled around, expecting to focus on a Teal, or even a Garganey perhaps ..but, bloody hell, he was right. Double Cripes ! And throughout the the drizzly afternoon Jim kept on getting things right. He beat them to everything. After a while they got a bit tetchy..... they didn't like it. On the way back, a bit of an argument broke out.... they seemed to get the idea that he was cheating in some way. Poor old Jim was a bit bewildered himself actually, and he didn't like their attitude. But maybe it was just a blip ... he's had a lucky day. He slept badly that night .... he had dreams about more arguments, about losing his friends. He woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. Next day, another rainy one, real hat, coat and scarf weather, he decided on the way to the reserve that he would just keep his ideas to himself ...at least for a bit. But as they went round the usual circuit, he found himself having to hold back ...he spotted several noteworthy birds, a Cattle Egret among the Littles, an extremely out-of-range Chough way in the distance and a "heard only" Marsh Warbler deep in the reeds. Eventually he couldn't keep it all to himself, and blurted it all out ..... but rather than backtracking to pick them up, they turned on him and told him to his face that he was getting to be a nuisance and they'd rather he kept away from them in future. He could keep his new-found and highly suspect " expertise" to himself. Dan, the "2x Scilly one", was especially nasty, and as for Mac, he looked ready to give poor old Jim a good kicking. The truth is, they thought he was playing some creepy trick on them. He turned on his heels, almost in tears, and walked straight home. He didn't even stop for a better look when a Hoopoe landed in the field he was passing. His world was collapsing around him. And yet he should be happy... all sorts of rare stuff was round every corner. What the hell was going on ? He thought that they would like him better when he no longer made daft mistakes. He had always wanted to have their respect.... and now, it was working against him. He spent another sleepless night. What was happening to him ? He had always wished he was a better birder. Who doesn't ? But it had turned his friends against him, and his life had become meaningless. And all in a couple of days. He got up and had breakfast. He thought about what had happened, and why. What was different about those last two days ? Think, he thought. What is it ? Then he thought about that hat. This had all started when he put the hat on. The hat he bought at the weekend from a charity shop for a quid. He rushed into the hallway and tugged the hat from his jacket pocket. Then he went out into the garden ..still in his pajamas. He put the hat on, and looked over the fence. There was that bloody Hoopoe. Then a flock of Spanish Sparrows landed next to it. God almighty ! It was the sodding hat. He took it off ... looked up .... nothing at all rare or tricky in sight. He held the hat closer and had a good look at it. It was pretty old and battered looked at close up,but there was something faintly sewn into the inside of the brim .... Jim peered at it intently.... ROGER TORY PETERSON ... just about visible... but definitely there. It was his hat ! A magic hat !! He was made !!! He could be the best birder in the world at last. He did a little dance around the lawn. Then he stopped. He had tasted perfection, and it hadn't done him any good. Jim threw the Magic Hat on the ground. He fetched some paraffin from the garage, and a lighter. Then he burned that hat to ashes. Then he got dressed, and walked to the reserve. All the way there, he saw nothing noteworthy, and he wouldn't know if he had. He was himself again. There was Ed at the pools .... anything about Ed ? There's a Garganey just showing ..have a look through the scope. Jim peered through the lens ... "well, it's a duck all right. I'll take your word for it Ed .... looks like a Teal to me." Jim looked rather pleased. " We've got you back then Jim ?" " Yes ... I think so. One day I'll tell you all about it." Then Mac, Ed and Stan turned up, and off they all went to the Sardine Hide. Because it was always packed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now here's Joanna Newsom.... "The Sprout and the Bean" In case you're a lot younger than me, here's why that hat was special ...
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AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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