When I was a teenager, my binoculars were some hefty bomb-proof ex-WW2 things my dad had. They were so old, they had separate focusing for each eye ...which was a blasted nuisance, because whenever you wanted to change focus, you had to twiddle both of the eye-lenses at once. Following flying birds was a disaster. Even following a snail was quite tricky. I think they were about 57½ x 58¼ or something. But they were 57½ x better than nothing. Anyway, I had them for about 6 years .. until disaster struck. Me and The Significant Otter were going on the boat to N. Ireland where her parents lived. I had extremely long (and beautiful) hair then, of which her parents did not approve. Not only that, nor did the let-you-onto-the-boat-people. This was deep in the time of " The Troubles" in NI and hefty searches of everything were commonplace. And I and my long hair attracted a great deal of interest from the harbour police. On this occasion they did the usual thing and carted me off to an office where I was grilled thoroughly ... and they searched my rucksack ... and found lots of seeds in one of the side pockets. Oh dear. I pointed out that I was interested in wild flowers etc and these had fallen from various ones I had collected. I then went through them all, and gave them the common and Latin names of them all, which they patiently wrote down on little envelopes into which they put the various types of seed. It was bad enough having told them that the bins were for birdwatching ... but flowers as well ... and long hair !!?? I was already racking up the points like mad. It was very obvious that they thought it was all a pack of lies and that those seeds were actually drugs !! They told me they were going to be sent to a laboratory to be checked out. Anyhow, they did, eventually and only just in time, let me onto the boat. Result ! BUT .... once on the boat, naturally I did a spot of seawatching. In those days when nobody cared if you fell overboard, they let you out onto the decks and along the sides ..which most boats don't do nowadays. Anyhow, I was having a fine, but cold, time spotting auks and shearwaters etc, when my arms got a bit tired and I let go of the bins .... but readers, I had not actually put the strap round my neck, and the bins fell about 40' into the sea. Oh, calamity !! That's quite a lot of feet. But not quite so many metres. Sometimes, as I drift into slumberland at night, I think of them still there on the seabed somewhere in the Irish Sea. It's quite a romantic thought actually. They'll be covered in all sorts of organisms now ..... so at least something's getting the benefit of them. Now ... the moral of this story is .... Don't forget to put the strap round your neck. Mind you, they were pretty crap. The next pair I got was some much lighter 6x30 things, and they had central focusing !! Woo !! You'll be pleased to hear that the police sent me a letter about 3 months later to let me know that I was in the clear. The seeds were exactly what I had said they were. I think it was the latin names that impressed them. I knew that latin would be useful one day. Luckily I had just about managed to learn enough of it before I got chucked out for good half way through the 4th year. But now, after all that ,this ... Kate Bush .. "and dream of sheep " Hey ... now I come to think of it, I should have played something by The Bad Seeds.
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AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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