Yes ... Buckingham Palace ! What a fantastic House List they must have ..... er .... NOT ! But what are they doing wrong ? Let me count the ways .... [1] Too many people ..... the whole place seems to be awash with people .. .. and it is a well-known-fact that "people" are not good for birds. Members of the Blasted Public nosing around, trampling round the garden , gogglers clogging up the windows, slamming doors etc .... any self-respecting bird would be bogging off to Kensington Gardens like a shot. [2] The forecourt (see above) is a barren waste, worse than the vast Arabian Desert birdwise. Get it dug up and planted up . And where's the all-important water feature ? And the shrubs, trees, flowers, nest boxes, swift towers etc. They could even divert the Thames through it .... that would be good. Their 247 gardeners could do it in their spare time. [3] Noise ! Brass Blasted Bands patrolling up and down endlessly . They are an abomination unto the Lord. And they're always firing cannons .... they're obsessed with the bloody things. [4] Windows ... oh yes, there's plenty of them, but they're all tall and thin and dinky... it's WIDTH you want in a window, not TALLTH. We all know that. Take -em out, turn -em round, put -em back. Get on with it. [5] The occupants, once the hoi polloi have pissed off, don't give a stuff about garden birds ... they're too busy jetting around the world,polluting the globe and its atmosphere, interfering with other countries, forcing the unwilling occupants to dress up in ridiculous and embarrassing outfits and jig about randomly for hours on end, , and occasionally casting a glance at gaudy rarities that they get "shown the way to" by " local experts." [6] Best thing ... rip it up and start again.............
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AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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