After the whirlwind success of the first foray into " The Worst Book" territory, here's the next one .. and the category this time is " Bird Books for Young People." The choice needed no thought at all .... I went straight to this crapulous heap of garbage ... This heinous swizz of a book bankrupted many families back in the late '50s and early 60's. In case you are lucky enough not to have lived in those unscrupulous money-grabbing times, the idea was, little cards with birds on them were included in tiny packets of tea ( tea !!) ( what ?)(why?) and vulnerable young people got totally hooked on collecting them. Doesn't that remind you a little bit of what's going on now in our towns and cities ... but exploiting an entirely different "addiction ?" Then ,as an extra money-making swizz, you had to buy a book to stick them in. And glue, of course, which was very costly at the time. What with the "GREAT GLUE COLLAPSE" of 1959. We lived in a bus shelter on the outskirts of Newark for several weeks until my dad found out where all his money was going. Many other families descended into rack and ruin, but did the manufacturers care ? No. They had the cheek to introduce new series of cards, such as Cars, Mammals, Dangerous Experiments to do at Home, Ants, Woodlice, Fish, Dogs, Mass Murderers, Aerosols of the World, Chess Games of the Year, Things beginning with Z, Russian Spies, Gannets of the World .... but here's what really caused the trouble ... If you were collecting the 50 cards in the Birds series, you would have to buy hundreds of packets of tea to get the set ..though few realised this until it was too late and the whole family was living in the street. When the truth got out, collectors would meet at huge gathering points to swap cards and complete their sets, often bringing transport to a halt for days on end... and that all led to huge government-supported "hit squads" which would target the organisers and slap them in the clink on trumped-up charges such as "loitering", "looking at me in a funny way", "hiding behind a newspaper" and "eating crisps in public." BUT ..none of that would have mattered if the completed book was any good. But was it ? Let's have a look shall we .... here's the very first one in the book.... raising expectations to the nth level of excitement ... but for the average kid, back then, he/she probably would not actually see one for about 30 years. Maybe 40, if you were a real idiot. I hardly need to tell you that there is no mention of your best way of locating one ... the call. But that's about what we'd expect, is it not. Why on earth is that the 1st one in the book ? Because it's good-looking. Well well. I didn't see one until I was 38 ! And I'd been birding for many years by then. It was, of course, in a car park. He doesn't mention that important fact up there either. Here's the 2nd bird in the book .... yes, that's just the sort of bird the average card collector's going to see flying along his street .... I hope you've noticed the large chunk of the description is about the blasted nest. This happens throughout the book...reams and ream of old guff about nests.. But when you come to think about it, you don't want kids to take too much of an interest in exactly where birds nest. No. I also like that " the Hoodie's taste in food is catholic " The average 11-year-old card collector is going to be a bit puzzled by that. What has religion got to do with it ? Does the HC only eat communion wafers ? Time for the next one ... another blasted Crow .... Yes ... #3 .. the Chough ..another bird your average 12-year-old is going to see in his orher back garden. And look at that bill ! That's not right. So, to reinforce it for the inexperienced reader, he's bunged in that special and helpful close-up in as well ... perhaps you would like to have a guess at the next on in this farcical sequence ....... follow the dots to see if you were right ......................................................................................................................... . . . . . . Obviously ! Where the poor old card-collector will need to live to get those first 4 any time soon is a difficult to find. Here's a few more for you to admire .... ............ memorise these nest details ! as for this next one, most 13-year-olds will have seen loads of them already ... you can tell them from miles away due to their incredibly smelly nests apparently.....no, not the 13-year-olds, the Hoopoes .... ... ah yes ... Nightjar .... no mention, of course, of its all-important-to-detect-one call. Of course ! Red-backed Shrike, with its " trim figure" and its 4 ( four) lines of nest description. OK ... I think I've made my point. It is, indeed the Worst Bird Book for Young People in the Entire Universe. Here's the list of all 50 of the birds in this cretinous heap of crap ..... Blimey ! someone has managed to tick the lot of them. With the same pen !! That's a bit odd ... surely it would have run out of ink over the time it would take to tick that lot. Snowy Owl !!! No bloody chance. You'd be far more useful counting crows .... I'm sure there are many other candidates for this category ... and some readers will nurture some affection for that book up there ... but come on .... it's not, as they say in these modern times, Fit for Purpose.
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AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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