There we were. The Significant Otter and me, listening to all this Brexit stuff and DUP stuff and Irish stuff .... and all this Universal Credit stuff and Kanye West wanting to be called "Ye" in future, and how the North is starved of government funding .... Anyhow, we came up with a solution to many of our current problems ... it's do-able, and environmentally friendly as well. Here we go then ... EVERYBODY WILL HAVE TO LIVE IN LONDON Think about it ! Think about all the benefits !! The whole of the rest of the country will be a huge, massive National Park , like the Everglades or Lithuania or whatever , with environmentally-aware farms, huge forests, unpolluted lakes, no noisy kids and their noisy families in bloody theme parks .... it would all be gloriously empty. We'll cart all the Ulsterers over to London as well, and the Scots, and the Welsh. Think of the huge reduction in travel..... lower emissions and no more need for a Northern Powerhouse ( surely some sort of joke anyway) or ... or anything ! No need for a hard border between N and S Ireland .. there'll be nobody in the top bit !! or we could sell it to the southerners ... that would be good.Win-win .. from hard-border to no-border. London's bloody massive already ... so a bit more won't hurt, and it will get all those poor, sad, cold, "Nonlondeners" into warmth, more daylight (lack of daylight is a huge driver of depression), less rain,sleet,show,hail etc and a rapid and efficient transport system, plus the opportunity to see celebrities that you don't get in Wigan, I can assure you. And every day there's more royals to see, so that's good. Plus ... that London " Heat Island" would be even heatier ! Think of the energy saving there. But what about the dear dear dicky birds ? Well, there'd be more or less the whole of the UK freed from humans, and in many parts it would revert to what it used to be ... mainly a huge forest, with moorland and mountains higher up. Capercaillies everywhere, so I might get to tick it. If I had a big enough telescope. But hey .... we could do all our ticking and twitching with webcams and drones these days ... we could stay in our luxury flat in London, and spot birds wherever we like from the warmth and comfort of our very own London home. As well as being so high up, we could scope stuff for miles around. Webcams and drones .. much better than whizzing across the country in those car thingys with your mates. Much, much better . ... and safer London would have far more peanut-feeders per cubic metre, more bird-baths, more ponds .... perfect. And people would learn to appreciate all those urban birds , of which there would be many more. And the extra heat would encourage more exotics to live there as well. Maybe we could even do the farming thing remotely too ... farmers are already guiding their tractors etc with satnavs ... why not do the whole thing that way ? I can't see why they don't get started now. What could possibly go wrong ?? They'll have to be careful though, to avoid it finishing up like this .... But they have proved to be very good at delivering huge projects in the past, have they not ? ... er ..... At the minute I can't think of a bit of music to go with that ... I'll give it a think. OK ... I've thunk..... Lou Reed ... "Berlin" ..... a wisp of a song for a hulk of a city ....
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AuthorThat's the author up there ... I was young and sprightly then. Archives
October 2022
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